Kwame Kilpatrick: Soon To Be Some Bad Man's Girlfriend

KK got indicted on eight counts of perjury.

'Bout damn time.

Never have I wanted a person to go to jail more than this man, who has stolen the hope, money and dignity from a city that couldn't afford to lose any of that.

Never have I felt less sorry for a man, or been less willing to offer forgiveness or sympathy. I just hope for 15 years, some 6-foot-8, 280-pound dude is calling him "Shirley" in prison and forcing KK to give him pedicures all damn day.

I'll be honest: I never thought Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy would charge KK with anything. Although her and KK are considered enemies, I thought she'd ultimately do like any other politician -- look out for her own hiney, and focus on being re-elected rather than what's right.

But today very well have been Worthy's finest moment as a prosecutor. In a packed, nationally-television news conference, she pretty much told the world that she wasn't having it. Know what else I noticed? She's got a mostly-white prosecution team, which is HUGE. Unfortunately, in a city like Detroit, in a situation like this, you have to play race politics. With white folks muscle behind her, she's showing she's not bullshittin.' This could be a career case for her. Even tho'...she got a mustache.

Laughable is that in his own news conference KK said he was "deeply disappointed" in Worthy's decision and he looks forward to "full vindication." And in the meantime he looks to "moving the city forward."

Oh, really? I'd love to see what kind of progress can be made when the Mayor is under the cloud of a multiple-count indictment. What business would ever go in co-hoots with this fool? He's worse than acid right now. No city business can get accomplished, which is why he needs to resign as soon as possible.

In a way, this is Detroit's first step toward healing and resolution. Not sure what else to say beyond that. I'll close with a poignant quote from Worthy's speech today:

"Some have suggested that the issues before us are personal or private. Our investigation has clearly shown that public dollars were used, people’s lives were ruined, the justice system was severely mocked, and the public trust trampled on.”

Kill Somebody, Rob The City, But Don't Say Nigga

Now I finally know the recipe for getting Kwame Kilpatrick out of office.

He's got to keep saying the word, nigga.

This morning, Michigan's elite politicians -- and I'm using the term 'elite' loosely -- expressed outrage because KK said in his State of The City speech the other night that he had been called a nigger more recently than he had in his whole life.

Wait, didn't that nigga go to Cass Tech and FAMU? Oops, my bad. I slipped.

I highly doubt KK was telling the truth, but neverthless it pissed off Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm and Attorney General Mike Cox, who expressed their displeasure the word was used in light of the NAACP burying the word in the D recently.

Cox got extra-bold and called for Kwame's resignation. He called the mayor a "liar and a race-baiter," and even compared da mayor to David Duke and George Wallace. Granholm's weak ass issued a similar statement, although she wasn't as strong as Cox.

Here's my problem with this: Cox was in charge of the investigation into whether KK had that infamous party at the mansion, and was linked to the death of Tamara Green. According to crack-ace Cox and his team, the party didn't exist and there was no coverup.

Since then, we see that Columbo Cox either let a llama conduct the investigation or he's a moron. I'm going with the latter, since I don't want to insult the llama. For Cox to get riled up about KK now is farcical. Where was all this gangsta when Cox was conducting an investigation? The whole damn city knows that party really happened, but the attorney general, the person with supposedly the best law enforcement resources at his disposal, can't prove whether a simple party happened?

Worse, is that both he and Granholm have been mute until now about whether Kwame should reisgn, when it's obvious he should. His ability to run the city has been totally compromised, which in turn compromises the efficiency of the whole state. If the biggest city in the state ain't shit, what kind of hopeful outlook can the rest of the state truly have?

So, he drops nigger during a speech -- a pandering ploy to Detroit voters who fear white control -- and they all of a sudden wanna get 'bout it? That's that bullshit. They didn't say squat about the misappropriation of funds, or the text message embarrassment. But now, the gloves are off over nigger?

Nigga please.

Granholm and Cox are playing the game just as astutely and deceitfully as KK. The reason Granholm, Cox and many other of the Michigan politicians have remained mum is because they fear losing the Detroit vote. That's why prosecutor Kym Worthy is dragging her feet with the perjury investigation.

But Granholm and Cox know they can use this speech incident to twist things in their favor. I hope they realize their outrage only plays into KK's hands. If this winds up being the rallying cry for other white politicians, KK will be smiling like a Cheshire cat, pointing to them and telling his ignorant voting base, "see I told you the white folks are after me."

I've said it 1,000 times, and I'll say it again: The KK issue can't become about race, otherwise the real issues will be ignored.

Cox is right. Kwame is a race-baiter and a liar. He said nigger for pure shock value and to present a picture of harassment that simply isn't true. People might be talking about his family like a dog, but that fool ain't Britney Spears. Ain't nobody in the bushes with some footies on and a doo-rag trying to nab this fool and his kids.

He's a black politician with some power, so, of course, he's been called a nigger. But hell, I bet half of the time, he's been called that by his own people. Besides, all visible black people will tell you they've been called a nigger. It's not right, but it comes with the territory.

Cox and Granholm should have been heard from long before now, and it's disappointing that they would choose this to show some backbone. It's just a weak situation in Michigan. The people have let a thief and a possible killer plummet the city to its lowest depths, and he's supported by a mealy-mouthed governor and a ball-less attorney general.

The White Man Gets It, Why Not The Bruh?

So let me get this straight: New York Governor Eliot Spitzer gets busted organizing ass by the feds and resigns in less than 48 hours. Kwame Kilpatrick bangs his chief of staff, costs the city of Detroit $9 million trying to hide it, is linked to the mysterious murder of a stripper, spent $200K of the city's money partying like Jay-Z, and on top of all that...Detroit was the murder capital last year, continues to have a horrific unemployment rate, and insurance and property taxes are high as hell. But, he's still in office. In fact, last night, Kwame gave his state of the city address like ain't shit up.

Spitzer's out, he's still in. Go figure.

Kwame needs to take some cues from Spitzer, who realized that once he was busted for prostitution, it undermined his authority as governor. How could anyone take the governor seriously knowing that he's spent $80K on some illicit ass? How could he possibly punish anyone with any authority? All they would have to say is "prostitution ring," and they'd have scoreboard. His reputation was destroyed, so for the betterment of the state, he resigned.

Why can't that idiot Kwame do the same? If he truly cared about Detroit the way he says, he'd resign. What can he get accomplished when everybody is snickering behind his back and calling him the text-message freak? What business leader would trust him now, knowing all he does is put his incompetent friends in charge? Kwame would rather send Detroit through scandal and possible criminal trials, rather than do the right thing.

Although, I thought of something today: I notice a lot of white folks who live across 8 Mile are laughing at Detroiters for re-electing Kwame. Some are shaking their heads like, what is wrong with you black folks?

They're right. But before they throw a strone, I got a name for them:

George Bush.

Black folks could easily say, what's wrong with you white people for re-electing George Bush? He might have stolen the first election, but he won pretty easily the second time around.

If you think about it, Bush ran the Kwame in reverse. Bush played the race card, too. He did what many conservative, white politicians do. He played on the fears of the rich, white, conservative and Christian. Got them all riled up about gay marriage, the war, and a "way of life." And he got voted right in.

It's no different than Kwame, who like most black politicians in Detroit use the us vs. them -- city vs. suburbs and black vs. white -- to get re-elected in spite of their woeful mismanagement and lack of ethics.

Politicians all run the same game, black or white.

BREAKING NEWS: 1-800-Dial-A-Trick Sinks NY Governor

Memo to male politicians: Don't send dick through text message, and DO NOT send it through the telephone.

You never know who might be listening, something the New York governor discovered the hard way.

Today Gov. Eliot Spitzer (by the way, why the hell does his name only have one 'T') admitted that was him on the federal wiretap trying to get some coochie from a prostitute.

Nice to know Kwame Kilpatrick isn't the only genius out there.

Is it just me or do all these politicians follow the same dumbass guide when they get busted? Here's what you can expect: Over-use of the term "private matter," a lame apology to the family, followed by some fake-ass show of support by the wife, who more than likely knew he had ho's.

Unlike KK, I'll give Spitzer a few points for doing some things that KK didn't. First, he went to the professionals. This is a good thing. If you're going to cheat, don't be caught on some corner with a vial of crack, a fifth of MD 20/20 and a pack of Lemonheads, trying to bargain for some fellatio.

But when you're a public official, and I don't care if you're running the local Kiwanis club or the state of New York, you've just got to expect that your phone calls are being taped. That might seem super-paranoid, but technology is a mo-fo. If I'm a creeping governor, I've got a separate Sprint phone just for prostitutes. It's called a Ho Phone. Get one. Had Spitzer had one, then fools like me wouldn't forever be referring to him as "Client No. 9," which supposedly was his alias whenever he called Dial-A-Booty.

Which brings me to another point...As soon as the person on the other end identified him as the governor, I would have either hung up, or acted like I had no idea what they were talking about. That should have told him that something wasn't right.

So far, no word on whether Spitzer was paying for the tricks with his personal credit card, or with the state's. Let's hope it's the former.

From a racial standpoint, it definitely shows the difference between when white men cheat, and when black men do it. KK was texting, wining and dining on the city credit card, showing up to see ho's who had mink coats on and nothing else. White dude has a number, is under the discreet name of Client 9, and seems to be trying to do a somewhat respectful creep.

Black folks will pervert the hook up to the death. We truly live by the principle that you "can't fuck with free." That's just how we think. Plus, we do things with jaw-dropping ignorance. It's funny, but it's ignorant.

So in the battle of the creepin' Gov vs. the creepin' Mayor, KK still has him beat. He misappropriated city funds. His creep cost the city $9 million and an unprecedented amount of national embarrassment -- which is saying something for a city like Detroit. Oh, and he also might have killed a stripper.

KK in a knockout.

Sunday Reading

Thought I'd hip everyone to an excellent profile done on Kwame Kilpatrick by Detroit Free Press writers Suzette Hackney and Bill McGraw. There are a couple fascinating details in here, as well as some ig'nant shit that I only I would find funny. Like, I had no idea Kwame's middle name was "Malik." Kwame Malik? With a name like that, you'd think he'd be the mayor of bean pies.

Oh, and peep these interesting details:

"As mayor, Kilpatrick travels the city like a hip-hop mogul. Police guards chauffeur him in a black Escalade. He wears trendy suits with bold accessories and wide-brimmed fedoras. Some of his cuffs are embroidered with the word "Mayor."

Now, what kind of ghetto shit is that? Question: Do you think that George W. Bush's goofy-looking ass is rolling around with cufflinks that say, "president?" Do you think Bill Gates has cuffs that say, "baller?" Do you think Queen Elizabeth has "cryptkeeper" on her pantyhouse?

Also, peep the photo above. Damn, the mayor ain't missed a meal, has he? He is pure pork chops and gravy now, but he was salad and low carbs then. A lot's changed.

One more thing: This is funny as hell.

From Text-Message Freak To Murderer?

You probably don't recognize this woman, but Detroit Ghetto AP reported several years ago that Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick killed her.

For those new to this blog, Ghetto AP is just a nickname I use for "word on the street." There's always an official and unofficial word on everything, especially when it comes to black folks. To be fair, Ghetto AP isn't always accurate. Hell, Ghetto AP killed Luther Vandross about three times before he actually died. There also was that rumor that Ghetto AP rumor that Chris Tucker had AIDS.

Anyway, the woman in the photo above is Tamara Greene, who was shot 18 times in Detroit in 2003 while sitting in the car with her boyfriend. The boyfriend survived. She, obviously, did not.
Ghetto AP reported KK killed her because she was one of a few people who could verify that he had a wild party at the CITY-OWNED Manoogian mansion. Yes, not only does the mayor send his dick through text messages, but he also may have killed someone over a party.

What's the big deal with this party, you ask? Well, supposedly a gang of strippers were there and other tomfoolery occurred. Not exactly the behavior you want the mayor of a major metropolitan city to exhibit. Of course, ho-ass attorney general Mike Cox investigated the alleged party and it went absolutely nowhere. The way Cox was bullshittin', it leads me to believe KK has photos of Cox with a couple midgets, a cheetah, four bags of Funyuns and a Batgirl outfit.

Here's the Ghetto AP version: Carlita Kilpatrick, KK's wife, came home to the mansion unexpectantly and saw her husbang getting his Eyes Wide Shut on (a freak party, basically). Per Ghetto AP, she picked up a baseball bat and beat one of the strippers down who was in the process of servicing her husband. This was witnessed by the other strippers, including Tamara Greene, aka "Strawberry." Investigators wanted to speak to Strawberry, but next thing you know she's dead and the lead investigator is transferred after being routinely stonewalled. Greene's murder remains unsolved.

(Side note: See, that's reason No. 1,698 why you don't want to be a stripper. If yo' ass dies, then news reports will begin with, "And then Strawberry said...." or "Strawberry allegedly told police.." 'Cuz you know the media is so trifling, they're going to use yo' strip name whenever possible. Just so an ignorant fool like me can read, "Diamond reportedly said....")

As you can see, this is a convoluted story, the type of shit I expect to see on the next episode of Law and Order. This also was my long-winded way of getting to the new news surrounding the Strawberry case (see, I told you having a stripper name is a bad idea).

Greene's 14-year-old son, Jonathan Bond, is suing the city of Detroit as part of a wrongful death lawsuit. Bond is suing for $150 million and I hope he wins and receives every dime. Although, considering that Detroit is $300 million in debt, should Bond win, the city council and 'nem are going to have to pay for shit with a Bridge card.

I truly want KK to go to jail. It's not about the fact that he's ruined a city with his overwhelming nigga-ness. Well, I take that back. It's partly about that. He violated the city's trust with his bullshit. The ho'ing is really a non-issue. As always, it's not about the lie, but the cover-up. Covering up this mess has been extremely expensive. The city had to break off $9 million to the police officers KK fired because they knew about his ho'-dom. That lead investigator who was pursuing the Greene case sued and won a $200,000 judgment. Other lawsuits from ex-officers who were blackballed for cooperating with authorities are pending.

It's just scantless, to use an old-school word. Make sure you peep the Metro Times piece because they give a detailed breakdown of all the trifling behavior. My favorite detail is one officer testifying how the mayor rolled out the house to meet some trick who was waiting for him in a mink coat, with nothing underneath. 'Dats how the mayor do.

Lastly: Let's say I was one of those people KK did wrong. It would be pretty easy to kill this dude because he showed repeatedly that he was willing to die for some coochie. Whenever KK was on an ass mission, he put his security detail in a compromising position that could have cost him his life. For example, his security officers -- much like the Secret Service -- are supposed to scope all the facilities the mayor will enter, first. But in the case of the mink coat trick, KK met the woman out front and then walked with her into her apartment. So, if Lil' Stomach Ache had been waiting for the mayor inside her apartment or outside of it, it would have been a wrap. There also was another instance where the mayor stopped his bodyguards from entering his hotel room because Christine Beatty, his chief of staff, was waiting for him on some buckee-naked.

But Detroit, you got exactly what you deserved. You voted for this ignorant fool TWICE. Don't let them talk about y'alls boy.

Detroit Is Number 1!...At Being F**ked Up

And the most miserable city in the country is...

(drum roll, please)

DEE-TROIT!!!

Way to go Kwame Kilpatrick! You did it, big guy! Detroit is No. 1!!!! And here I thought you were only good at nailing your chief of staff, and costing the city you mayor almost $10 million in the cover-up. Nice to know you're not just a dickhead, but a versatile dickhead.

(Rabid crowd applause)

How's this for an enticing travel brochure:

Come to the city with the country's highest, violent crime rate, where you will get the added bonus of living where the most money is spent to clean up contaminated waste. Not enough to convince you? How about an unemployment rate that is twice as big as most other cities? And let's say you don't derive enough misery in the D, you can always travel northward to Flint, the third-most miserable city in America.

If it helps any, New York is fourth.

I've got a new slogan for Detroit, who has the distinct pleasure of having a buffoon mayor and an idiot for a governor.

Detroit: Where You Hope To Get Killed 'Cuz Yo Ass Ain't Finding A Job.

Tourism is gonna be up!

Sunday Potpourri

Excuse me for not blogging the last couple days. Been a little busy, and I was still somewhat worn out from this episode with Sprint. Bitches.

Anyway, to get everyone in a good mood today, let me first share this hysterical Emmitt Smith video done by Jimmy Kimmel, who absolute clowned football's all-time leading rusher. Clearly, Emmitt knows how to bounce off tackles and find the hole. But what that fool doesn't know is subject-verb agreement, predicates, proper pronouns and basic, sentence structure. Hey, we can't all be perfect.



See, now don't you feel better?

OK, let's get back to what is probably my favorite story of 2008, even though it's just February.

Simple-ass Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is proving to be not only the worst mayor in Detroit history, the worst mayor in the nation, but also the stupidiest MF of all time. Can that be his official title from now on? Stupidest MF of all time? Somebody put that shit on a plaque and hand it to him.

The latest is that KK signed a confidentiality agreement to try to conceal those embarrassing text messages with Christine Beatty, the former chief of staff he had an affair with -- which ultimately cost the city $9 million in a whistle-blower suit involving three former police officers.

Anyway, this is an interesting development, mostly because a confidentiality agreement of this nature is completely unheard of in a lawsuit involving city government. Kwame doesn't seem to understand he is a public official. Everything he does is on the record. The shit is so basic I'm really questioning who made this fool a lawyer, because he operates like he got his law degree from DeVry.

As a public official, information is put in an entirely different realm. Everything a public official does concerning the city is public record. It can't be concealed. The Freedom Of Information Act was put in place so that we, the public, would be able to keep checks and balances on politicians. If you want to know how much your city government is spending on Wrigley's spearmint, the FOIA allows you to find that out. It was created to protect citizens, not harm us.

But surprise, surprise, when the Detroit city council signed off on paying the lawsuit, they had no idea these text messages existed, or that their mayor had signed a confidentiality agreement that essentially proved he was lying.

Right about now, I need Detroiters to read. I need them to be informed to the point where they don't fall for this obvious, back-handed bullshit. Kwame went on Detroit radio -- read: an R & B station where you can hear that new Luther -- to explain that the reason he had a confidentiality agreement was to "protect all Detroiters" from having private situations exposed. He pointed to the fact that divorces and other personal suits often are accompanied with confidentiality agreements.

That is true, but one problem: FOOL, YOU RUNNING A CITY. This isn't a divorce. The city was being sued because of your creep. You fired a couple cops because they knew you were on some In Between The Sheets shit with your chief of staff. And you were just dumb enough to be sending your screw through text message, using a city Blackberry.

And unfortunately, Detroiters don't know any better and they are buying his grand-standing that this should be private, and between him and his wife. They seem to have forgotten, that the cost of his misdeeds are on you, the citizen. You're the one paying a shitload for bold-ass city services. Look up what property taxes cost in the D. Look at what car insurance rates are. That shit is insane, and now yo' mayor just gave you the biggest F-U ever.

Naturally, when speaking about this matter publicly, KK always seems to forget to mention that HE LIED UNDER OATH TO A JUDGE, AND A COURT. He just glosses over that simple fact. And he, of course, doesn't make the connection between what he did and what it cost his taxpayers. Kwame's message: Hey, I'm just trying to help Ike.

This isn't about protecting Detroiters anymore than it's about an African booty scratcher. This is about a mayor who was busted, who tried to cover it up, and is now trying to manipulate inner-city black voters by playing the race card and making it an issue of us vs. the media.

Well, last time I checked, the Detroit Free Press wasn't the one who told you to use city funds to screw ol' girl. The DFP didn't make you send those text messages where you talking about hitting it into the wee hours. The DFP didn't fire those cops for doing their jobs, or cost the city millions over this bullshit. You did.

What's funny is KK had the nerve to say his boo Beatty should have quit. Um, MF, what's your excuse? Why are you still there, looking like you stole all of Malcolm X's zoot suits from back in the day? Why not do the honorable thing and leave office?

Because that would be too much like right. And we know he's incapable of doing that.

Y'all Ain't Gon' Believe This Shit

This is going to be one of those blogs where I take my shoes off, my weave out, put some vaseline on, clip my toenails and put on my do-rag. In other words, I'm about to get REAL comfortable.

That was a BULLSHIT-ass response by Kwame Kilpatrick Wednesday night.

Give KK an A+ because he did hit the proper public relations talking points. He must have said the word, "family," about 1,329 times. He threw out his belief in God, although the obvious question is, were you hearing from the Lord when you were telling your chief of staff over text message how you wanted to tap that ass?

Of course, he slickly dropped how he had been in love with his wife since he was 19, trying to sell us on some bold, fake-ass, Sweet Valley High love story. And then he implored for folks to leave his kids alone, although I'm sure his boys are thinking...why does my daddy have to be the ho?

First thing I noticed was that his wife, Carlita, looked like at any moment she might hit that fool with a frying pan or give him the Al Green grits treatment. I can only imagine what was going on through her head. Probably something like this:

Nucca, you got me doing this bullshit fo' yo' trick ass! I swear if it didn't get saved last night, I'd whup dat ass in front of the Lord and this photo of white Jesus. Help me GAWD! Lord, deliver me before I have to give this fool a two piece and a biscuit right here on national TV!

As an aside, I thought her wearing a man-suit was a terrible idea. I know she was trying to give off strength. Instead, she gave off husky.

Anywho...

On to this family bullshit Kwame was trying to sell us on. He and Carlita kept saying how they're not perfect people and don't have a perfect marriage. No shit. But they made it seem like the shit they were going through was just some normal, everyday stuff. Um, HELLO, your husband is banging his second in command and then on MLK weekend of all times, got busted on a couples retreat doing a Civil Rights creep. Normal might be a one-time creep. Normal is not having the newspaper out 'cho freak, lying in a court of law about it and costing a major, metropolitan city $9 million. That's a little bit more than a simple imperfection. An imperfection is leaving the toilet seat up, and having a few streaks in yo draws (yeah, I went there). An imperfection is not using city time to get 'cho fuck on.

Possibly the most hilarious part of this "apology" was when Carlita spoke. First, this was sort of a ballsy move from a P.R. standpoint. Shrewd, though. The one thing Kwame can count on is that people will have sympathy for his wife, and that might prevent folks from truly holding his ass over the flame.

Carlita talked about being hurt, disappointed and angry. All understandable emotions for a woman who just found out her husband was blowing out the back of his chief of staff. The reason I call bullshit on her is because Ghetto AP has reported for years that Kwame has been screwing around. This ain't nothin' new. It's difficult for me to muster sympathy for a woman that willingly goes along with the program because, ultimately, this is about her being the city's first lady. She's not giving up her place. So, really, what Carlita was trying to say was this:

All y'all bitches that have been screwing my husband, I just want to let you know that I'm the no. 1 Bitch 'round here. So, if y'all ho's think you gon' replace me, you gotta another thang coming. By the way, Christine Beatty, next time I see you in the street, I'm going in that mouth. Deuces, ho's.

This was Kwame's way of trying to deflect attention from the real issue: His affair was at the city's expense. Politicians screw around. We know this. People have shady, shitty ass marriages. BFD. The reason Kwame needs to go and why the city should never forgive him has nothing to do with the fact that he's a foul-ass husband and father.

As mayor, you are responsible for more than just yourself. You have the public trust and suppposedly, their best interest at heart. This was a situation where Kwame put his side screw above the city. Period.

So he can trot out his church, his pastor, his wife, his kids, his God, his record of public service, his allies, whatever. He can quote Ecclesiastes, Corinthians, Ezekial, and Malachi. He can bankhead bounce, Soulja Boy, or make it do what it do. But it doesn't change the fact he lied under oath and wrongfully fired a man for doing his job. And, as I said, cost the city a whole bunch of money it doesn't have.

I don't feel one ounce of sympathy for him. Burn baby, burn. And, for the next month, can you please it keep it in your pants?

Don't Let Them Talk About Y'alls Boy: A Tribute To Kwame

I've been so rough on Kwame the last week or so and I got to thinking that maybe I need to be more positive.

So I put together a few things that really illustrate how Kwame has touched lives. This is the hip-hop mayor we're talking about here. He not only brought Detroiters declining city services, increased poverty and crime, and terrible schools, but he was the mayor who soiled the reputation of a city already viewed by most outsiders as a war zone. That shit takes dedication.

So, this is for you, KK. Remember, Detroiters, don't EVAH let them talk about y'alls boy.



And if you aren't from the D, Leave Kwame Alone!

When In Doubt, Go Get 'Cho Pastor

The Text-Message Freak Of A Mayor finally will speak. On Thursday, that is.

'Bout damn time. But he's utilizing Rule #56 of the My Ass Is In A Sling Guide For Dummies. Kwame will speak at 7:30 p.m. at his church. How convenient.

When black folks get into trouble, the first person they go running to is the pastor. Now, I can't be too critical because, in a way, this is a good thing. When we run into our darkest days, let's hope we have the sense to go and seek God.

The problem is, when black folks are in trouble, they immediately align themselves with a pastor. R Kelly did it. He went on BET with his pastor, claiming some mumbo-jumbo. The question I always have is, why didn't you seek out your pastor before you start sending dirty-ass text messages to your subordinate? The time for R. Kelly to call his pastor was BEFORE he peed on that youngster.

I'm already predicting Thursday will turn into an old Negro spiritual. I just hope Kwame's pastor doesn't act like this:

Black Politics 101

I hinted in my previous post that ultimately, Detroit's black voters would give Kwame Kilpatrick the free pass he's been angling for.

Now, that I've had a day to digest this, here's what's going to happen: Kwame is eventually going to come out of hiding (he's in Florida trying to do some kind of damage control). When he does, he'll use his family as a shield. He'll say, as he said in his initial statement, that it was an intensely private matter between him, his wife and his God. More than likely he'll have some pastor with him when he throws himself upon the mercy of the public's forgiveness. He'll get the Holy Ghost. He'll break out in a Negro spiritual. Ultimately, he'll sound somewhat like this:




The Detroit black populace will eat up the coonery, rationalize his behavior by saying white politicians get away with this all the time (don't be shocked if Bill Clinton's name pops up somewhere), and then when re-election time comes, Kwame Kilpatrick will destroy whoever opposes him.

The reason I'm so confident this is how it will play it out is because not only do I know Detroit, but I know black folks. Black people blindly support their own because, for the most part, there has been a devoid of real leadership. We grasp at straws. We hold on to whatever we have, even if it's not working. Why else are Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton still considered "black leaders?" Hell, if we welcomed O.J. Simpson back, why wouldn't Kwame have a decent chance? Despite the fact that Michael Jackson is a living, breathing version of Law & Order: Special Victims unit, we still love his ass. When R. Kelly was peeing on underage folks, where were we? Buying his latest CD, of course.

As it is, the local black Detroit politicians -- even those who can't stand Kwame -- are being very measured and careful about what they say concerning this disaster. They don't want to alienate the black voters of Detroit, a strong, but largely ignorant group. That's why prosecutor Kym Worthy's office is saying dumb shit like this, instead of saying, let's get this mofo. Worthy is up for re-election this year, and she's afraid of coming out too hard against Kwame because it will put her on gravy train in jeopardy.

Not one politician came out hard against Kwame. And that's because all of them need the black vote to stay alive. Isn't that a shame? They aren't concerned with what's best for the people. They're concerned with what is best for themselves. I've been waiting to hear from longtime politico L. Brooks Patterson, who has never held his tongue. But so far, silence.

Despite my emotional ties to the city, I don't feel sorry for Detroit. They are getting exactly what they voted for. It angers me that black folks allowed to be played like a fiddle. This isn't about Democrat v. Republican, but about the public trust, and right and wrong. Most Detroiters are casting this off as an affair gone awry, and seemingly forgetting the two most important elements: The mayor violated the public trust, lied under oath and cost the city $10 million to defend his bullshit.

The reason he is sending dick messages through the city pager is because he's arrogant. He knows no matter what he does, black people will stupidly support him. When you have that kind of cushion, it's impossible to feel as if you're being held accountable. The media will take the blame, even though they have done their jobs. Sadly, it will come down to a race issue, and not the real issues. Pretty much, the mayor's side screw cost the city $10 large ones. I don't know if any ass worth that much. I hope that was some Penthouse-type ass, given how much he's destroyed his credibility. How much do you wanna bet that up until this report came out, Kwame and his Chief of Freak were still getting his bang on?

This is Black Politics 101.

Don't Send Your Panties Thru Text Message

Niggas don't dance no' mo'...all dey do is dis'
-Goodie Mobb

It's positively amazing how technology has really changed creepin'. Not that I'm an expert, but if you creep these days, you've got to be on James Bond shit. Before cellphones became a necessity, if you didn't get answer your home phone, it was no big deal. You had to trust that people were where they said. Now, let somebody not answer their cellphone. That shit will ruin a relationship.

You would think someone who is the mayor of a major, metropolitan city would understand technology's impact and why, if you're going to do some dumb shit, it requires a little more thinking.

Kwame Kilpatrick missed that lesson.

Aight, I know many of y'all have been busted texting the wrong person the wrong shit. Or, because cellphones store text messages you've sent and received for months, your phone has gotten into the wrong hands and those sweet nothings have just about gotten your ass stabbed.

Kilpatrick, the worst mayor in America, is now among those who had to learn the hard way the No. 1 rule of Da Creep in modern times:

DON'T SEND YOUR PANTIES THRU TEXT MESSAGE!

KK got busted on a whole new level of bustivity. Turns out, he's been having an affair with his chief of staff, Christine Beatty, now known as the fool who stupidly sent her panties through text messages. More specifically, she sent her panties through text messages on the city's pager.

When I say someone sent their panties, I just mean they said some incriminating, personal, sexual ish through some kind of communication device. Free advice: You also don't send your panties through the mail. Literally or figuratively.

That Kwame had an affair isn't the most shocking news. Most Detroiters will tell you about the rumors that have dogged Kwame for years concerning his infidelity. In fact, most black Detroiters are fairly convinced Kwame had this stripper killed because she could corroborate a party Kwame had at the mayor's mansion that got completely out of hand. But, whatever.

But this stuff Kwame's been accused of could kill his career. Or worse, send him to jail. This all started with a lawsuit against Kwame, who along with Beatty, was accused of firing a man because he knew they were having an affair. Kwame tried to big-time the guy, which was stupid. Had he just paid him the overtime money he owed him, none of the rest of this b.s. would have happened. The man won his wrongful termination claim, which cost the city $9 million, including lawyer fees.

Of course, on the witness stand, Beatty and Kilpatrick denied having an affair. They tried to make it seem as if ol' boy wasn't fired, but chose to retire on his own. The Free Press story shows the WMA (Worst Mayor In America) not only cheated on his wife, but flat-out lied under oath. And, he's a lawyer, which means this shit could get him disbarred since it's frowned upon when officers of the court lie under oath.

Putting aside for a moment what this does to an already damaged city, I must say this is some juicy-ass shit. The Detroit Free Press, who broke the story, reviewed 14,000 text messages, and there were several between Beatty and Kilpatrick that prove not only they were having an affair, but they were some freaks! They couldn't even print some of the stuff that was said. A sample exchange:

Beatty: Can I come lay down in your room? (They were in D.C. at the Congressional Black Caucus conference)

The next morning, after a round or two of knockin' boots, Kwame hits her with a text.

Referring to his bodyguards, who were right outside the door, Kwame texts: They were right outside the door. They had to have heard everything."

There are a multitude of entertaining excerpts, but it just puts into focus why I was against Kwame being mayor from the start. When he was first on the scene, he was billed as a hip-hop mayor, which I thought was a mistake. WTF is a Hip-Hop Mayor anyway? Fool, I don't need you to come up with a hook, I need yo ass to make sure the trash is picked up on Wednesdays and Fridays. I don't need to see the mayor at an R. Kelly concert. I need to see your ass figuring out dis budget.

If I may get serious for a moment, this situation unfortunately highlights some of the major failings black-run government. I hate to make this black folks' fault, but if you look at D.C. and Atlanta -- two other majority-black cities -- you see the same consistent trifling behavior among black politicians. Triflin' Negros get a little bit of power, play the race card to garner black support, and ultimately these fools don't do shit but steal. And, apparently, screw.

Kwame Kilpatrick should never have gotten a second term. When I called him the WMA, I wasn't just saying that to be cute. Time Magazine named Kwame that some years ago. Detroit is poorest big-city in the nation. The schools are a mess. The murder rate is out of control (again). And, to top it all off, fools is fatter than a mug. Yes, it consistently ranks among the fattest cities in the nation. Part of the reason fools get shot so much is because they are too damn fat to dodge the bullet. Got gravy in those veins.

KK got a second term because too many Detroit voters were on some support-a-brotha shit, instead of the help-the-city shit. Once he got into office and his shit was on blast, KK covertly played the race card, making it seem as if the mainstream media was just after him because he was black. Naw, fool, they're after your stupid ass because you bought your wife a brand-new Navigator on the city, took one of your ho's to the Bahamas on the city, and bought the bar out in D.C. on the city. I'm hot that the city paid for your bottle of Martell (true story).

And speaking of D.C...didn't we see the same thing happen there with Marion Berry? The mayor was busted with a crack pipe and played his way back into city politics using the race card, too. "The bitch set me up!" is what he said. She might have, but you had a crack pipe in your mouth!!! That shit doesn't just happen. It's not like you tripped and found yourself with a mouth full of pipe. I mean, dayum, bruh, it's one thing if you got caught with a little weed. But crack? That's a whole new level of depravity. That means at some point you might give a homeless man a blow job to get some crack. I couldn't sleep at night knowing my mayor could potentially do that.

Black folks will protest, march and stomp if we feel a white man or white people are taking advantage of us. Had Kwame been white, they would have tried to stone his ass five years ago. But because he's black, Detroiters say, "the white man does it, why can't the brother do it?" Kwame's antics have been rationalized. He's been given a complete free pass by black voters, who ought to feel flat-out betrayed. He has done nothing but made the city worse.

We've been conditioned to support black people in power, even to our own detriment. There's a politician on The Wire named Clay Davis who is the perfect personification of too many black politicians. He's got a mad mouthpiece, but he's a crook. Tells black people what they want to hear. Keeps in them in a victim mentality. Whenever he's caught in a jam, he makes sure to insinuate it's just because they're trying to keep a brotha down. That's what will happen in Detroit. Watch.