Down Goes The Master Of The Open-Hand Slap

"Beating muthaphuckas like Ike beat Tina..."
-- Biggie Smalls

One of the greatest pimps of all time is gone. The king of the open-hand slap is no more. The dude that gave us one of my favorite lines of all time -- "miss a step today, you be fryin' fish tomorrow" -- has passed away.

OK, I'm not sure if Ike Turner really said that, but Larry Fishburne did in What's Love Got To Do With It. Good enough.

Ike Freakin' Turner died. Of what? I'onknow. All I do know is Ike, on top of being a for real musical genius, is one of the greatest characters America has come to know. Never has someone been so unapologetic about whupping a woman's ass for damn near half her life.

But as I said to a friend earlier tonight, if Ike hadn't discovered Tina, would there have ever been a Tina? If Ike hadn't beat Tina Turner, would she have gone solo? The craziest thing about their story is that the greatest tragedy turned into a huge victory for one of them, and an albatross for the other. If Tina hadn't gotten her ass beat, there is no way she'd be looked at as an iconic woman today. One man's fist is another woman's superstar career.

When Whoopi said, "until you do right by me...everything you do is gonna fail," she coulda been talking about Ike. His greatest downfall was doing Tina wrong. That and wearing outfits like these:

I meannnn...

Who knew a dude that once said "I didn't beat her...with a closed fist" would feel confident enough to wear a go-go belt and heels? For all of Ike's bluster and fuss, he sholl' didn't mind looking like a broke-ass Solid Gold dancer.

Anyway, what made Ike a character is his continual denial that he was, indeed, a character. Ike supposedly was married 14 times, but only four publicly. A couple years ago, Ike penned a song called "Safe Sex." Here are the lyrics:

Sex / I want it every day / There ain't no-body going to take my sex away / Condoms is my best friends / Without condoms I ain't gonna go in.

From the mind of Ike.

In all seriousness, there is a certain teaching tool here with Ike. He was a pioneer. Despite how it may look, Ike was the one who discovered Tina, and if it weren't for his musical genius and intuition, she would never have become an international star. When Ike was really in his heydey, there were hardly any black people getting credit for the music they were producing. Americans, particularly whites, don't like to acknowledge this, but Elvis and several of the legends they idolize stole their music from black folks. Black folk like Ike.

Had Ike never become a cokehead, he might have a legacy like Phil Spector or some of the other great musical talents of our time. Instead, he'll be remembered as the once-genius dude who beat another musical great's ass for damn near 20 years. Just goes to show that it's not what you do that counts, but how you're remembered.