Showing posts with label 50 Cent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 50 Cent. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

If It Helps You Make A Hit...Is It A Performance Enhancer?



I'm trying to be a more responsible blogger in '08. I know it's something I say every year, but I'm going to try to mean it. So, this will be a first in a series of blogs I do between today and tomorrow because, quite frankly, I have a lot of shit to get off my chest.

Let's start with a strange, but ultimately, not surprising story.

When you hear, "performance-enhanching drugs," you usually think of athletes like Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Marion Jones. But it turns out hip-hop and R & B stars like Mary J. Blige, Fidee Cent and others have been busted illegally obtaining PEDs, specifically human growth hormone.

For those who don't know much about HGH, this is the proverbial fountain of youth. It regenerates your muscle, has you develop lean, muscle...basically, you are on some Incredible Hulk shit. Many experts have even pointed to some long-term health benefits. If you take HGH, you are less likely to develop a slew of bone-related disease, among other things. Some experts even suggest that healthy males over 30 take HGH on a monthly basis. Someone I know has a conspiracy theory that the reason the federal gov't labeled HGH a controlled substance -- like crack, weed, etc -- is because they don't want the general public to be able to get their hands on it. If they did, the life expectancy for the public would increase so dramatically that our gov't would be at huge, financial risk. If mofos live longer, then they also absorb this good, American living longer. As it is, because of the proliferation of baby boomers, Social Security is going to be non-existent for young folks like me.

But back to rappers and crooners on that needle...

I'm sure you all have seen how Mary J. Blige has transformed over the years. She went from this:






To this:





A couple years ago, Mary said she dropped close to 20 pounds. She was never a big woman, but she all of a sudden went from sister around the way to looking like Angela Bassett did in What's Love Got To Do With It. Ready to knock a fool out!

I suppose it's naive of us to think artists, like athletes, wouldn't need a little help to maintain. Those two camps are more alike than we think. To stay hot in either domain, you've got to look a certain way. That's the reality of both businesses. If you think about it, artists have more reasons to use the stuff. Very few attain the type of guaranteed contracts that athletes get. Mary has been around for a minute, and has solidified herself as one of the greatest soul artists ever. But, if you're Keyshia Cole, new to this game, you have every incentive to take HGH and anabolic steroids.

Most of us get on our high horse when it comes to using PEDs. I'm a lot more bothered by athletes because the sanctity of sports is different than the sanctity of a hit record. So Mary shoots up and what's the worse that happens? Nothing, really. I doubt PEDs helped her write My Life or No More Drama. What she's doing mostly just makes her look good, it's got nothing to do with the quality of her music.

Whereas with athletes it's saving and extending careers, making them able to do things they normally couldn't. If it weren't for 'roids and HGH, Roger Clemens might have been over with a decade ago. No matter if Fidee Cent took HGH or not, he's still going to sound like the illiterate rapper. "In Da Club" probably still gets written.

Anyway, you can decide where you stand with the morality of all this. But I've got to give you the punchline to the Mary J. Blige steroid scandal. She used a fake name to get the illegal shipments of HGH. The name? Marlo Stanfield. If you watch The Wire, you know how hilarious that is.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Order of Phoenix vs. the Lord of Dogtown


Harry Freakin' Potter.

Count me among those who completely missed/just doesn't understand the Harry Potter phenomenon.

Now I say this without having ever read a Potter book or watched any of the movies, but if you're over 12 and waited until midnight for the release of the final novel, then I must put you in the category of all those grown people who camp out for the release of Playstations. Oh wait, I did that...let's just move along.

Truthfully, I've avoided Potter madness. When you get older, your tastes change dramatically. I have no interest in horror-demonic related fare anymore, and Potter mildly fits in that category. I have no memory of ever drinking water as a kid, but feel strange when I don't drink the required amount of water now. I also can't stand the Real World. Weird.

Anyway, I'm one of those people who just misses really, big pop culture crazes. I've seen two full episodes of Friends. Haven't seen any of the Lord of the Rings. Pokemon? Please.

This year I'm expanding my mind and playing in my first fantasy football league. There goes my last five cool points.

Now, the Week In Review...



- The chairman of Roger Williams University drops the n-word in a board meeting, and blames it on Black Rob. Less than a week after the NAACP buried the n-word, there it is. That still doesn't break Jesus' resurrection record.

- Michael Vick, despite having a $130 million contract, is about to go to jail for bankrolling Fido v. King in a death match. If the feds convict -- and I like their chances with a 95 percent conviction rate in indictments -- MV is going to go down as having committed the stupidest crime ever by an athlete. Think about it: Ray-Ray beat a murder rap. Kobe beat a rape rap. Leonard Little, the St. Louis Rams defensive end, also essentially beat a murder rap since he killed somebody in a drunk driving accident and did (just) 90 days. Those were serious crimes. And now the highest paid quarterback in the league might go to the can for dog fighting???!!! Imagine how that's going to play in jail. In the prison-rape hierarchy, a convicted dog killer will get you done only slightly less barbarically than a child molester and a rapist. Meaning, MV will get gang-raped by three people, instead of six. And he just might get a little vaseline. Only a little.

- 50 Cent confirms that if you like his music, you're lightweight illiterate. He also said Nas's (alleged) downfall is because he reads too much. Another reason to hate Fidee: He hates reading.

- On a serious note, Tammy Faye died on Friday. I saw her final interview on Larry King a few days ago. It was heart-breaking. Not that I was ever the biggest Tammy Faye fan, but she was such a huge personality in the 80s. When she died of cancer, she was 65 pounds. No human being deserves the suffering she endured.

Coming this week: My battle against The Man, musings from LA, and the breakdown of what will be the most significant moment of my life -- next to my wedding and children and blah blah blah.