Chew On Dis

This is the best show ever put on television. But I don't want to get too wrapped up in a slurpfest, since the show is ending for good on Sunday. I know I'm likely to come here and rattle off a highly emotional post in which I blast punk-ass Hollywood for refusing to acknowledge how riveting, fantastic, realistic and well-written this series is. And before you ask, yes, it's better than the Sopranos.

Anyway, before I unleash a detailed eulogy of The Wire, let's put some shit in perspective. First, Season 5 of The Wire has been amazing. The last episode, the one before the series finale, probably featured one of The Wire's most powerful moments ever. I won't totally ruin it, but it takes place between Snoop and Michael in Snoop's SUV. These three words will stick with me forever: "You look good, girl." And I'll leave things there.

Meanwhile, over at BET.com, they've got a list of the top-10 moments on The Wire. I'm going to give you my own top-10, and also a proper burial of Omar, one of the best characters ever developed. A gay gangsta? Who would have thought? And maybe if I get motivated, I'll break down my 10 favorite episodes. But wrap your mind around BET's top-10 list and add your own thoughts.

Week In Review: WWGW (White Girls Gone Wild)

Even Paris Hilton is looking at LL and thinking, "Bitch, get it together!"

LL has DE-railed. Whoever is in a dead pool moved her up about 32 spots following her latest escapade.

One thing LL's DE-railment has proven is that acting out of order isn't just something black athletes do. Unlimited money + celebrity + a gang of enablers = losing your damn mind.

LL has become so tricked out that she actually waltzed into a police station, after driving in excess of 100 mph through residential neighborhoods, with cocaine stuffed in her panties. Oh, but according to LL, it's not hers.

That is stunningly stupid. I think Vegas just increased LL's odds of turning out like Dana Plato, aka Kimberly Drummond. Even Pacman Jones is afraid to hang out with LL.

Now the week in review...

- We Got To Do Better Than Hot Ghetto Mess. Well, that's what everyone is saying. In the post-Imus climate, it's suddenly become very popular to roast BET's ass. Yet somehow, there is resounding silence about Flava of Love.

- Niggas Is A Beautiful Thang. My boy, Twist, unearths a hilarious, yet honest essay about use of the n-word.

- Nike Is Full Of Shit. So says my British gal pal (always wanted to use that word), who points out that it is ridiculously hypocritical for Nike to drop Michael Vick for dog-fighting as long as they engage in that little practice of child slave labor. And in the hierarchy of shit we supposedly care about, kids are pretty freakin' high.

- Lil' Sis Is Coming To Town. Hope I can teach her a thing or two about being better, wanting better and thinking bigger.

- Men Sniff Our Panties When We Aren't Paying Attention. Hey, that's what my boy said.

Order of Phoenix vs. the Lord of Dogtown

Harry Freakin' Potter.

Count me among those who completely missed/just doesn't understand the Harry Potter phenomenon.

Now I say this without having ever read a Potter book or watched any of the movies, but if you're over 12 and waited until midnight for the release of the final novel, then I must put you in the category of all those grown people who camp out for the release of Playstations. Oh wait, I did that...let's just move along.

Truthfully, I've avoided Potter madness. When you get older, your tastes change dramatically. I have no interest in horror-demonic related fare anymore, and Potter mildly fits in that category. I have no memory of ever drinking water as a kid, but feel strange when I don't drink the required amount of water now. I also can't stand the Real World. Weird.

Anyway, I'm one of those people who just misses really, big pop culture crazes. I've seen two full episodes of Friends. Haven't seen any of the Lord of the Rings. Pokemon? Please.

This year I'm expanding my mind and playing in my first fantasy football league. There goes my last five cool points.

Now, the Week In Review...



- The chairman of Roger Williams University drops the n-word in a board meeting, and blames it on Black Rob. Less than a week after the NAACP buried the n-word, there it is. That still doesn't break Jesus' resurrection record.

- Michael Vick, despite having a $130 million contract, is about to go to jail for bankrolling Fido v. King in a death match. If the feds convict -- and I like their chances with a 95 percent conviction rate in indictments -- MV is going to go down as having committed the stupidest crime ever by an athlete. Think about it: Ray-Ray beat a murder rap. Kobe beat a rape rap. Leonard Little, the St. Louis Rams defensive end, also essentially beat a murder rap since he killed somebody in a drunk driving accident and did (just) 90 days. Those were serious crimes. And now the highest paid quarterback in the league might go to the can for dog fighting???!!! Imagine how that's going to play in jail. In the prison-rape hierarchy, a convicted dog killer will get you done only slightly less barbarically than a child molester and a rapist. Meaning, MV will get gang-raped by three people, instead of six. And he just might get a little vaseline. Only a little.

- 50 Cent confirms that if you like his music, you're lightweight illiterate. He also said Nas's (alleged) downfall is because he reads too much. Another reason to hate Fidee: He hates reading.

- On a serious note, Tammy Faye died on Friday. I saw her final interview on Larry King a few days ago. It was heart-breaking. Not that I was ever the biggest Tammy Faye fan, but she was such a huge personality in the 80s. When she died of cancer, she was 65 pounds. No human being deserves the suffering she endured.

Coming this week: My battle against The Man, musings from LA, and the breakdown of what will be the most significant moment of my life -- next to my wedding and children and blah blah blah.