Nothing like a little bit of family drama to get the juices stirring.
My Dad was supposed to come visit this week, but had to postpone because he's got a situation with the U.S. government.
A tiny organization called the IRS is after him.
But my little sister, who turned 17 recently, is coming to visit. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but this will be monumental.
My sister and I have a good relationship, but she's like most teenagers. Meaning: What they don't know is scary.
And unfortunately, they think they know everything.
A small disclosure: She's actually my half-sister -- not that it means anything. I want the best for her, but I'm fearful she's around too many people who don't know how to succeed.
Lil' Sis lost her mother a couple of years ago. It was a stunning blow, and its effects can never be reversed. Since then, she's been living with her aunt. Her aunt is a well-meaning woman, but caught up under the bus called Life. She's working-class and trying to get by.
My sister just hasn't been exposed to anything. She doesn't know much about possibilities. Hope. Her world is small. She's like a lot of black people who get trapped in the inner city. She has no idea about what's outside Detroit. She thinks the minimum is enough. It also doesn't help that media images only encourage her, and other black kids, to seek material things. The most disappointing thing about today's black culture is that there is culture of failure that has crippled our children. Lil' Sis is a product of all this.
I'm bringing Lil' Sis to Orlando to hang out with me for a week. I wish it could be longer, but this is what my schedule permits. This will be the first time Lil' Sis has ever been on an airplane. This is the first time she's ever been outside Detroit. At 17, this is an important journey for her. She needs the experience of traveling, so that maybe it will register something new and different ... and exciting. I want her to see other people, meet other women and hopefully gain a hunger for success that she hasn't had before.
This is the kind of world she's living in: Her aunt had no idea where the airport was because she had never even been there. In a way, it didn't really surprise me. There are people in Detroit who live on the East side of town, and have never been to the west side. That's how it is.
When kids are exposed to things, it drives them to want to achieve. Lil' Sis is a C student (at best). She doesn't have a job. She thinks she's achieving something by just graduating. She knows nothing of hard work. No one around her has ever been to college.
I'm hoping this trip will be exactly what she needs. I'm tough on her, but fair. She asked me to go in half on a car, and I told her she's got to be kidding. Her grades, as I said, are completely average. I reminded her that average people should never be rewarded. She's above average, of course, but she has to learn that isn't hardly good enough.
Anyway, I know one week can't cure everything. I know she's got many battles to fight. But with kids, all it takes is planting a seed. A lot of times it may not seem as though they're listening. It may seem as if they're selfish and completely unwise. But all it takes is for the tiniest little bit to seep through. And then you've got something.
4 comments:
But if she steps out of line, will U wrap her in the mouth?
It starts with three things: discipline, responsibility and accountability.Here are the general regulations under which my kids (whenever I have some) MUST abide:
1. Discipline - fearing a parent/guardian/big sibling is not a bad thing. It's your first lesson about how to respect authority.
If there is a consistent pattern of testing the authority of said persons, a good old-fashioned ass-whuppin' should do. If that doesn't work, stick 'em in Juvie. If THAT doesn't work, get ready because you will likely be visiting him/her in the state pen.
2. Responsiblity - This is the tool you use to gain credibility throughout your life. So prepare, ready to accept the challenge in a professional manner.
3. Accountability - This is the outcome of what you do with responsibility. If you have done your best and been professional, take satisfaction from a job well done, but also learn what can be done better. How can things be more efficiently done? But whatever the case, make NO excuses. Nobody likes a whiner. You put your head down and you work harder and more smartly than the rest of the lot.
And lastly, there should be this understanding: the world owes you nothing and most people in it don't expect you to amount to anything BECAUSE you are black. Do not internalize that negativity.
Needless to say, this is all done with love and support. We want to see them succeed.
Good luck with your sister. I'm sure you will advise her well.
I'm having the same problem with my nephew! He turned 17 today, and is ready for a car/money.
I told him no. Why do you reward a 1.9-making student?
If the situation is the same, I think these kids need more encouragement at home. I think they need to see somebody ballin out of control. And they need to realize it's not going to be handed to them.
My nephew started going downhill when the kids at school weren't doing a damn thing. He figured homework wasn't cool, and so he stopped doing it. He'd do it and "forget" to turn it in.
We were charged with going to college to better ourselves. My nephew can look to my brother and sister - both without degrees - and figure he doesn't need one to get by. I'm sad to say he's gonna get that first taste of the real world and reality's gonna bite him in the ass.
Good entry!
"average people should never be rewarded"
Perfect Jemele. I think the trip will do her good. Good for you as a big sister for stepping up to the plate when the "grownups" won't. I use that term loosely here.
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