Man Love ... But Not On Birthdays

I just love getting insight about the male species.

I wouldn't exactly describe men as onions, but they certainly have more layers than given credit for. They have these male rituals and dealbreakers that can give you a fascinating glimpse into the male mind.

A few days ago, my friend, VinSanity, hipped me to something I hadn't quite noticed about men before.

They don't buy each other birthday gifts.

Initially, I was convinced VinSanity's theory wouldn't hold up. But a short, unofficial poll made me see it was true. Most men -- I'll say, most heterosexual men because I didn't ask any gay men -- find it unmasculine to buy other men gifts. Like, it's one thing if you're out with your boy, it's his birthday and you buy him a few drinks. But it's entirely different if your boy unwraps a new pair of Nikes and there is a card that says, "regards, Charles."

In my unofficial poll, I discovered most men can't remember the last time they bought another man a gift. If they did, it was usually a relative, like a brother or father. A milestone birthday -- It was explained to me that buying a guy a wedding gift is well within the realm of male etiquette because of the woman's presence. A graduation or going-away gift is OK, too, because that's perceived as a success-related event. Men celebrating other men for achievement is fine because achievement is strongly regarded among men.

But in general, it's not considered manly to remember or acknowledge other men's birthdays. Think about it, men: Do you know when your boy's birthday is? Do you call your boy on his birthday? And if you do, is it more of, "oh yeah, dawg, happy birthday," -- as in I just happened to remember -- or is it more purposeful?

VinSanity's b-day was the other day and 90 percent of the well wishes he received were from women. He said if his best friend, who he has known for decades, called to wish him happy birthday, he would automatically assume it's because his best friend had less than 30 days to live.

Of course, I asked the Significant Other about this phenomenon. He could remember just about all of his ex-ho's birthdays -- oops, I mean, ex-girlfriends :) -- but he couldn't really remember any of his boys' birthdays. Figures.

I'll tell you why I find this birthday etiquette among men interesting. It's because I know men who have slept with their boys' woman and all has been forgiven. I know men who have damn near died to save their boy, taken bullets for him. I know men who have lied, cheated and gone to jail for their boy.

But a birthday? He's ass out.

Now, as you all know, women are a completely different story. We take friendship deathly serious. If we like a guy, it doesn't matter if we have no shot at him, our girl is obligated to treat that shit like a real relationship. That's how nuts we can be.

Don't acknowledge a woman's birthday, and yo ass might get stuffed in the mattress like drug money.