"...And that n****a had the nerve to take communion with me..."

The funniest thing about my moms is not necessarily what she says, but the way she says it.

She has a way of combining her Christian beliefs with her old-school wordliness, and the result is pure comedy. This one time she was talking about her relationship with my stepdad. And instead of going with the typical, "I love him" or some other regular endearment, she said, "He always tries to act like he don't want me cornowing his hair, but I know he does."

Old-school black love, y'all.

It's virtually impossible for my mother to end any story without a ghetto soundbite that will have me laughing for days. Serious situation, people: My moms and her old dude are on the outs because he ran up 7Gs on her credit card without her approval. My mother was on some FABS (if you listen to Biggie, that means fuck-a-bitch-shit), meaning I had to really, really calm her down. She was thanking God and cursing in the same sentence. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep from laughing.

Anyway, my mother confronted her old man about the credit card mess and he pulled the expected I-wear-the-big-draws routine -- because he is indeed holding down all the household bills, including her Benz-o. So as my mother is going off and calling for him to be smited as well as saying she'd kick his ass, she goes:

"...And that n****a had the nerve to take communion with me. You know it's a sin to take communion when you sinning."

I wanted to point out since the nature of man is sinful, how can anybody's communion truly be right? Hell, if that's the case, every communion I've ever taken is a little bit shady.

But that's moms. Her outrage aint like most others. You could probably let the air out of her tires. But don't even dream about taking communion with her if you in the wrong. The fact that she got bilked out of almost 10K isn't the issue. The issue is that my steppop had the nerve to swallow a stale cracker and some Welch's, and lie on Jesus. Some thangs you just can't forgive.