Don't Send Your Panties Thru Text Message

Niggas don't dance no' mo'...all dey do is dis'
-Goodie Mobb

It's positively amazing how technology has really changed creepin'. Not that I'm an expert, but if you creep these days, you've got to be on James Bond shit. Before cellphones became a necessity, if you didn't get answer your home phone, it was no big deal. You had to trust that people were where they said. Now, let somebody not answer their cellphone. That shit will ruin a relationship.

You would think someone who is the mayor of a major, metropolitan city would understand technology's impact and why, if you're going to do some dumb shit, it requires a little more thinking.

Kwame Kilpatrick missed that lesson.

Aight, I know many of y'all have been busted texting the wrong person the wrong shit. Or, because cellphones store text messages you've sent and received for months, your phone has gotten into the wrong hands and those sweet nothings have just about gotten your ass stabbed.

Kilpatrick, the worst mayor in America, is now among those who had to learn the hard way the No. 1 rule of Da Creep in modern times:

DON'T SEND YOUR PANTIES THRU TEXT MESSAGE!

KK got busted on a whole new level of bustivity. Turns out, he's been having an affair with his chief of staff, Christine Beatty, now known as the fool who stupidly sent her panties through text messages. More specifically, she sent her panties through text messages on the city's pager.

When I say someone sent their panties, I just mean they said some incriminating, personal, sexual ish through some kind of communication device. Free advice: You also don't send your panties through the mail. Literally or figuratively.

That Kwame had an affair isn't the most shocking news. Most Detroiters will tell you about the rumors that have dogged Kwame for years concerning his infidelity. In fact, most black Detroiters are fairly convinced Kwame had this stripper killed because she could corroborate a party Kwame had at the mayor's mansion that got completely out of hand. But, whatever.

But this stuff Kwame's been accused of could kill his career. Or worse, send him to jail. This all started with a lawsuit against Kwame, who along with Beatty, was accused of firing a man because he knew they were having an affair. Kwame tried to big-time the guy, which was stupid. Had he just paid him the overtime money he owed him, none of the rest of this b.s. would have happened. The man won his wrongful termination claim, which cost the city $9 million, including lawyer fees.

Of course, on the witness stand, Beatty and Kilpatrick denied having an affair. They tried to make it seem as if ol' boy wasn't fired, but chose to retire on his own. The Free Press story shows the WMA (Worst Mayor In America) not only cheated on his wife, but flat-out lied under oath. And, he's a lawyer, which means this shit could get him disbarred since it's frowned upon when officers of the court lie under oath.

Putting aside for a moment what this does to an already damaged city, I must say this is some juicy-ass shit. The Detroit Free Press, who broke the story, reviewed 14,000 text messages, and there were several between Beatty and Kilpatrick that prove not only they were having an affair, but they were some freaks! They couldn't even print some of the stuff that was said. A sample exchange:

Beatty: Can I come lay down in your room? (They were in D.C. at the Congressional Black Caucus conference)

The next morning, after a round or two of knockin' boots, Kwame hits her with a text.

Referring to his bodyguards, who were right outside the door, Kwame texts: They were right outside the door. They had to have heard everything."

There are a multitude of entertaining excerpts, but it just puts into focus why I was against Kwame being mayor from the start. When he was first on the scene, he was billed as a hip-hop mayor, which I thought was a mistake. WTF is a Hip-Hop Mayor anyway? Fool, I don't need you to come up with a hook, I need yo ass to make sure the trash is picked up on Wednesdays and Fridays. I don't need to see the mayor at an R. Kelly concert. I need to see your ass figuring out dis budget.

If I may get serious for a moment, this situation unfortunately highlights some of the major failings black-run government. I hate to make this black folks' fault, but if you look at D.C. and Atlanta -- two other majority-black cities -- you see the same consistent trifling behavior among black politicians. Triflin' Negros get a little bit of power, play the race card to garner black support, and ultimately these fools don't do shit but steal. And, apparently, screw.

Kwame Kilpatrick should never have gotten a second term. When I called him the WMA, I wasn't just saying that to be cute. Time Magazine named Kwame that some years ago. Detroit is poorest big-city in the nation. The schools are a mess. The murder rate is out of control (again). And, to top it all off, fools is fatter than a mug. Yes, it consistently ranks among the fattest cities in the nation. Part of the reason fools get shot so much is because they are too damn fat to dodge the bullet. Got gravy in those veins.

KK got a second term because too many Detroit voters were on some support-a-brotha shit, instead of the help-the-city shit. Once he got into office and his shit was on blast, KK covertly played the race card, making it seem as if the mainstream media was just after him because he was black. Naw, fool, they're after your stupid ass because you bought your wife a brand-new Navigator on the city, took one of your ho's to the Bahamas on the city, and bought the bar out in D.C. on the city. I'm hot that the city paid for your bottle of Martell (true story).

And speaking of D.C...didn't we see the same thing happen there with Marion Berry? The mayor was busted with a crack pipe and played his way back into city politics using the race card, too. "The bitch set me up!" is what he said. She might have, but you had a crack pipe in your mouth!!! That shit doesn't just happen. It's not like you tripped and found yourself with a mouth full of pipe. I mean, dayum, bruh, it's one thing if you got caught with a little weed. But crack? That's a whole new level of depravity. That means at some point you might give a homeless man a blow job to get some crack. I couldn't sleep at night knowing my mayor could potentially do that.

Black folks will protest, march and stomp if we feel a white man or white people are taking advantage of us. Had Kwame been white, they would have tried to stone his ass five years ago. But because he's black, Detroiters say, "the white man does it, why can't the brother do it?" Kwame's antics have been rationalized. He's been given a complete free pass by black voters, who ought to feel flat-out betrayed. He has done nothing but made the city worse.

We've been conditioned to support black people in power, even to our own detriment. There's a politician on The Wire named Clay Davis who is the perfect personification of too many black politicians. He's got a mad mouthpiece, but he's a crook. Tells black people what they want to hear. Keeps in them in a victim mentality. Whenever he's caught in a jam, he makes sure to insinuate it's just because they're trying to keep a brotha down. That's what will happen in Detroit. Watch.