As I wade my way through the six seasons of 24, expect me to come here and rattle off my thoughts about each season. Yeah, I know, I'm late. I just started watching 24 a few months ago, and just finished season 3, which is the clubhouse leader as my favorite.
Anyway, I realize 24 is so much more than a TV series. It's a useful tool for life. A few of the things I've learned watching 24:
- Jack Bauer is the most gangsta-ass white man ever put before a camera. Seriously, this isn't even an argument. He makes James Bond, Michael Corleone, John McClain, Cool Hand Luke, and Ethan Hunt look like some bitches (Note to self: Do a NCAA tournament of gangsta-ass white male movie and TV characters). As each season of 24 progresses, Jack just gets more and more gangsta. He's one of the few characters ever created that doesn't need to whip your ass to make you fear him. He is just on some different shit. I mean, season 3 ended with Jack chopping his favorite agent's arm off. With an ax. He nearly put a suspect's daughter in the midst of a virus that eats your fucking skin off. He did heroin because MILLIONS OF LIVES WERE AT STAKE. Seriously, dude pisses lead. He'll split Pacman Jones' wig.
- We can never have a black president. Obama, just sit down. Take a cue from David Palmer. You don't want this. You run the risk of being murdered, having nukes and a deadly virus let loose on the country. Your ex-wife may go psycho on you, making Catherine Tramell look stable. Black presidents bring drama. Let the dream die, Obama. Please. For all our sakes.
- Never watch 24 after 8 p.m. Part of the reason you all are treated to this delicious post is because I just finished watching 24 and couldn't get to sleep. Too much adrenaline. I feel like I could do the Running Man to Miami right now. Could you imagine a 24 movie? People would just spontaneously combust right in their seats. In the interest of public safety, Hollywood should be banned from making this movie.
Anyway, I realize 24 is so much more than a TV series. It's a useful tool for life. A few of the things I've learned watching 24:
- Jack Bauer is the most gangsta-ass white man ever put before a camera. Seriously, this isn't even an argument. He makes James Bond, Michael Corleone, John McClain, Cool Hand Luke, and Ethan Hunt look like some bitches (Note to self: Do a NCAA tournament of gangsta-ass white male movie and TV characters). As each season of 24 progresses, Jack just gets more and more gangsta. He's one of the few characters ever created that doesn't need to whip your ass to make you fear him. He is just on some different shit. I mean, season 3 ended with Jack chopping his favorite agent's arm off. With an ax. He nearly put a suspect's daughter in the midst of a virus that eats your fucking skin off. He did heroin because MILLIONS OF LIVES WERE AT STAKE. Seriously, dude pisses lead. He'll split Pacman Jones' wig.
- We can never have a black president. Obama, just sit down. Take a cue from David Palmer. You don't want this. You run the risk of being murdered, having nukes and a deadly virus let loose on the country. Your ex-wife may go psycho on you, making Catherine Tramell look stable. Black presidents bring drama. Let the dream die, Obama. Please. For all our sakes.
- Never watch 24 after 8 p.m. Part of the reason you all are treated to this delicious post is because I just finished watching 24 and couldn't get to sleep. Too much adrenaline. I feel like I could do the Running Man to Miami right now. Could you imagine a 24 movie? People would just spontaneously combust right in their seats. In the interest of public safety, Hollywood should be banned from making this movie.
- Don't let yourself be an easily kidnapped human being. Watching Kim Bauer has taught me 4,000 ways I can avoid being taken hostage. No. 1: Don't get into a Scooby Doo van with a couple of greasy-ass guys. No. 2: If you're ever kidnapped with a stupid friend, encourage the bad guys to shoot them. You will live longer. No. 3: Don't babysit for a guy who murders his wife. Bad, bad idea. No. 4: Don't get trapped in a bomb shelter with a dude from Entourage. No. 5: If you're kidnapped more than twice, just kill yourself. You're too stupid to live.
- If the cast of 24 can go days without eating or using the bathroom, then I can do the same for at least 15 minutes. I'm three seasons in and I'm still waiting for someone from CTU to come in there with a double cheeseburger or announce they have to pee. Yep, any episode now.
- There are schematics for everything. And as soon as I figure out what a schematic is, I'll use it.
- If the U.S. government watched 24, the war on terrorism would be over by 4th of July. They'd need the schematics, of course.
- Never move to Los Angeles. Getting cancer from the smog was my biggest concern, but I now see that I could very easily become a victim of biological warfare if I ever considered moving there. I also could catch a nuke in the ass. Not worth it.
Just a few bits of knowledge I picked up watching 24. It will take me far in life.
- Never move to Los Angeles. Getting cancer from the smog was my biggest concern, but I now see that I could very easily become a victim of biological warfare if I ever considered moving there. I also could catch a nuke in the ass. Not worth it.
Just a few bits of knowledge I picked up watching 24. It will take me far in life.
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