Nino Brown Gets Payback For G Money

Come on down, Wesley Snipes, you're America's latest black celebrity felon!

I wish I could have more sympathy for Nino, but the stupidity of what he did absolutely prevents it. Not only that, Nino went to the Nigro Handbook and decided to appeal to other high-fallutin' Nigros like Denzel Washington to write letters to the judge, asking for leniency.

No. 1, isn't Nino Asian? Funny how that now that his ass is in the sling, he's calling on some of his Nigro friends to help him. After all, Nino pulled a Madonna/Tina Turner on us some years ago. Madonna is from Michigan, not England. But you wouldn't know that now because she talks with a British accent. Every time I see her on TV talking about crumpets, I can't help but think...um, didn't you grow up in Rochester (MI)? Anyway, same goes for Tina Turner. Once she got paid, she acted like she had never heard of Nutbush, Tenn., her hometown. The money made her British, too. But I'll give Tina a pass. She did spend 20 years ultimate fighting with Ike.

But back to Nino...

I realize celebrities spend a major part of their lives bored, but I'm sure Denzel could have found something better to do than ask a judge to give Nino a hook up. Unfortunately, it's a common trap Nigros fall into. We support blacks without discrimination, regardless of their accompanying bullshit (see: Kwame Kilpatrick).

Again, it's hard for me to feel sorry for Wes. He's made more money than 90 percent of folks will ever see in their lifetime. Surely, he could have found a few minutes to file taxes.

Damn D-Wade, It's Like That?

No doubt there has been some strange Hollywood hook-ups, but seriously, did anyone EVAH see this one coming?

Star Jones and D Wade?

What. Tha. Phuuuuukkkkk.

That's some Body Snatchers shit right there. They don't even go together. Well, sorry, apparently they do go together. But I just can't see D Wade rolling up on Star Jones in all her gastric-bypass-goodness and trying to get with that. I know, I know. There is somebody for everybody. I just assumed the "somebody" for Star probably had 10 less teeth, a conk, and worked at Citgo. Alright, I'm being mean. For real, I just never saw it coming. But I guess love is love.

Whatever the case, guess D Wade's whole blown-up wifey situation was a lot more impactful than originally thought. You see Shaq and his ol' lady supposedly are on the reconcile tip. Maybe this is D Wade's way of acting out his pain.

Either that or he's majorly slump-busting. If that's the case, I'm calling MVP for D Wade next year right this minute.

You Make The Call

or



On pure gangsta-rism, D Jacobsen still wins. Notice her tilt is much higher. Her body language better gives off "I just really don't give a phuk." Plus, the other drink in Stephen Jackson's hand really takes away from the juxtaposition of the bottle. It competes with it. I give DJ a 10, and SJ a 8.5

And Speaking of Crazy Do's...

Kinda speechless over this one, too.

There Are No Words

Ummmm....

I've Got The Meaning Of Life Right Here

I Guess Youll Do - Watch more free videos

One thing's for sure: Black folks don't know a damn thing about cold cuts at the funeral (That statement will make more sense after you watch the entire video). If you've ever been to a black funeral, expect, as a friend of mine often says, "Three meats and 55 sides."

Nevertheless, this might be the greatest breakdown of life I've ever heard.

Bitter Much

There's been quite a fallout since Barack Obama's speech on race. You could go in 3,000 different directions because it's so much to material.

But I want to focus on what got this started: Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Obama's pastor, who created a firestorm when some of his sermons were released over the Internet. In those sermons, Wright accused the government of fostering AIDS in Africa, and suggested that 9-11 was America reaping what it has sowed.

If White America really wants to engage in an honest dialogue about not only what Rev. Wright said, but truly understand the angry rhetoric, we must keep it real.

Let me tell you why black people believe so deeply in conspiracies, like Bush being behind 9-11, LBJ aiding in the plot to kill JFK, and the government being the biggest dope dealers in the world.

White America forgets that we were victims of the Tuskegee Experiment, which was when the government willfully injected illiterate, black sharecroppers with syphilis in the 1930s. They used black men as lab rats without their consent.

Then, there was the Iron-Contra affair. Oh, we love to forget about this one. But George Sr., Oliver North and Ronald Reagan basically funded the Contras through cocaine distribution. The CIA, the U.S. State Department and other governmental bodies allowed the Contras to distribute tons and tons of cocaine into the U.S. to fund weapon purchases, among other things. Much has been written and verified about how the Contras flooded crack into Los Angeles. In other words, the government became partner to one of the largest, drug organizations in the world. Now you know how Dubya had enough cheese to buy and operate a baseball team.

So given that history, added in with slavery, segregation, grandfather clauses, Jim Crow, etc., doesn't it at least seem reasonable to white people WHY black people consider the government under-handed? Given all that, doesn't it make sense why black people continue to be angry?

Don't get me wrong, black people appreciate living in America, but most of them won't look at the government and think they're incapable of horrid atrocities. Just look at our history. America has killed its presidents before. They've orchestrated wars over bullshit power struggles. They've enacted wrong on its own citizens.

And as ridiculous as it may sound to some white people, there is some evidence to support Rev. Wright's theory that the U.S has a connection to AIDS in Africa. Funny how when Kanye rapped about that, nobody said a thing. I mean, seriously, who could blame a Native American for not trusting or believing anything the government said, given that the U.S. broke treaty after treaty with them for years?

Some have said people just need to "get over it." Here's why the argument is insulting and downright stupid. People have to understand those same people who the cops and lawmakers were turning hoses on 30 years ago are now in the 50s, 60s and 70s. Those same people who were getting food and shit dumped on them at lunch counters, who had dogs let loose on them because they were fighting for basic rights, who were threatened and beaten up for attending a "white school" -- well, they're Rev. Wright's age and they're still really pissed off.

See, we're a society that doesn't like to read. And we're definitely a society that can't think beyond the soundbite. Instead, the media feeds this illiterate, uneducated, lazy mentality, by completely ignoring everything in a historical context. They put everything in the 'now' and look at these actions as singular events instead of in totality.

What's funny is, when it comes to Jewish people, we have no problem getting the full, historical picture. Jews are allowed to hold onto history as long as they want. Some Jewish people still won't drive German cars because of what it represents. That is their right and we have no place to tell them how they should grieve or reconcile their own history.

Yet, when it comes to black people, everybody wants to tell us how we should grieve, and when exactly we should get over it. I hear this a lot from people who have refused to study history and accurately put it into context.

I don't think black people are looking to win first place in a who-got-phukked-the-worst contest. They are looking for understanding, and a sense that there is honest respect for what the race has endured for centuries. They want people to connect the dots, so that there is a better understanding for what we see today.

If that was done, series like The Wire wouldn't be treated like a dirty-ass food stamp. That's why so many people, black and white, loved the show. It connected the dots. No one person was responsible. We all have apart in why urban cities are in full decay. We all have our role in the existence and continued perpetuation of racist ideology.

I get that white people are hesistant to discuss race because they don't want to get blamed for everything. No, they don't deserve that. But they've got to put their chin in and take the licks. There is no denying that systematic oppression of one group over such a prolonged period of time will a) enlarge the wealth and status of the oppressors and b) program the oppressed to operate with a degenerate mentality of the oppressor. That being said, personal responsibility can't be ignored. Once basic rights have been achieved, the oppressed is required to respect and honor what they've fought for.

It's a cycle.

Truthfully, racism will never end. It's too profitable. To a large degree, the country thrives on racism because we're capitalists and racism is a very convenient way to separate the haves from the have nots.

Here's a funny story: I was flipping through channels and came across a headline on Fox News. It read: Blacks Say America Is Run By Rich White People. Are They Right?

Are you serious? Is there any question?

Kwame Kilpatrick: Soon To Be Some Bad Man's Girlfriend

KK got indicted on eight counts of perjury.

'Bout damn time.

Never have I wanted a person to go to jail more than this man, who has stolen the hope, money and dignity from a city that couldn't afford to lose any of that.

Never have I felt less sorry for a man, or been less willing to offer forgiveness or sympathy. I just hope for 15 years, some 6-foot-8, 280-pound dude is calling him "Shirley" in prison and forcing KK to give him pedicures all damn day.

I'll be honest: I never thought Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy would charge KK with anything. Although her and KK are considered enemies, I thought she'd ultimately do like any other politician -- look out for her own hiney, and focus on being re-elected rather than what's right.

But today very well have been Worthy's finest moment as a prosecutor. In a packed, nationally-television news conference, she pretty much told the world that she wasn't having it. Know what else I noticed? She's got a mostly-white prosecution team, which is HUGE. Unfortunately, in a city like Detroit, in a situation like this, you have to play race politics. With white folks muscle behind her, she's showing she's not bullshittin.' This could be a career case for her. Even tho'...she got a mustache.

Laughable is that in his own news conference KK said he was "deeply disappointed" in Worthy's decision and he looks forward to "full vindication." And in the meantime he looks to "moving the city forward."

Oh, really? I'd love to see what kind of progress can be made when the Mayor is under the cloud of a multiple-count indictment. What business would ever go in co-hoots with this fool? He's worse than acid right now. No city business can get accomplished, which is why he needs to resign as soon as possible.

In a way, this is Detroit's first step toward healing and resolution. Not sure what else to say beyond that. I'll close with a poignant quote from Worthy's speech today:

"Some have suggested that the issues before us are personal or private. Our investigation has clearly shown that public dollars were used, people’s lives were ruined, the justice system was severely mocked, and the public trust trampled on.”

This Is Why Rappers Need To Stay In The Studio

The National Organization for Women is going to love this.

Well-renown orator Snoop Dogg did the dumbest thing possible and responded to criticism that rappers objectify women in their vidoes.

Let's just say, it wasn't the most eloquent response. If you can wade through the broken English, lack of subject-verb agreement, Snoop's basic point is Playboy does it, why can't we? Besides, Snoop says, they ain't all the way naked. Take that!

Here's the thing: Objectify is a loose term. It's hard to objectify someone who agrees to show T & A in a video. These women willfully agree to put themselves in these videos. I don't like the practice, but you can act as if they are being forced against their will. If anything, when rappers have casting calls, they have to turn women away because so many of them want to be the next Superhead.

Snoop would have been much better off making that argument, instead of the one he made. Here's what needs to be the new rule in the African-American handbook: If you get called on something, instead of pulling the look-at-the-white-man routine, just admit it. Snoop should have just said, hey, hip-hop is entertainment. Those women are paid, some of them quite well. We're not forcing them to be there against their will. End of comment.

I've found it amusing to listen to rappers justify degrading lyrics. I'm over that but-we're-just-rappin'-about-what's-going-on-in-the-hood nonsense. Just say, it's entertainment. I'm not responsible for raising your kids, or telling them what they should and shouldn't be listening to. Don't like it, don't buy it.

It's so silly that people actually want rappers to be more responsible. Yeah, well, I want an endless stream of White Castle, to be a size 6 the rest of life, but that shit isn't happening. Rappers are no more responsible than actors, producers or directors. It's as Hollywood as the movies. If you're depending on anyone to have morals and ethics in a multi-billion dollar industry, you will be sorely disappointed.

Kill Somebody, Rob The City, But Don't Say Nigga

Now I finally know the recipe for getting Kwame Kilpatrick out of office.

He's got to keep saying the word, nigga.

This morning, Michigan's elite politicians -- and I'm using the term 'elite' loosely -- expressed outrage because KK said in his State of The City speech the other night that he had been called a nigger more recently than he had in his whole life.

Wait, didn't that nigga go to Cass Tech and FAMU? Oops, my bad. I slipped.

I highly doubt KK was telling the truth, but neverthless it pissed off Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm and Attorney General Mike Cox, who expressed their displeasure the word was used in light of the NAACP burying the word in the D recently.

Cox got extra-bold and called for Kwame's resignation. He called the mayor a "liar and a race-baiter," and even compared da mayor to David Duke and George Wallace. Granholm's weak ass issued a similar statement, although she wasn't as strong as Cox.

Here's my problem with this: Cox was in charge of the investigation into whether KK had that infamous party at the mansion, and was linked to the death of Tamara Green. According to crack-ace Cox and his team, the party didn't exist and there was no coverup.

Since then, we see that Columbo Cox either let a llama conduct the investigation or he's a moron. I'm going with the latter, since I don't want to insult the llama. For Cox to get riled up about KK now is farcical. Where was all this gangsta when Cox was conducting an investigation? The whole damn city knows that party really happened, but the attorney general, the person with supposedly the best law enforcement resources at his disposal, can't prove whether a simple party happened?

Worse, is that both he and Granholm have been mute until now about whether Kwame should reisgn, when it's obvious he should. His ability to run the city has been totally compromised, which in turn compromises the efficiency of the whole state. If the biggest city in the state ain't shit, what kind of hopeful outlook can the rest of the state truly have?

So, he drops nigger during a speech -- a pandering ploy to Detroit voters who fear white control -- and they all of a sudden wanna get 'bout it? That's that bullshit. They didn't say squat about the misappropriation of funds, or the text message embarrassment. But now, the gloves are off over nigger?

Nigga please.

Granholm and Cox are playing the game just as astutely and deceitfully as KK. The reason Granholm, Cox and many other of the Michigan politicians have remained mum is because they fear losing the Detroit vote. That's why prosecutor Kym Worthy is dragging her feet with the perjury investigation.

But Granholm and Cox know they can use this speech incident to twist things in their favor. I hope they realize their outrage only plays into KK's hands. If this winds up being the rallying cry for other white politicians, KK will be smiling like a Cheshire cat, pointing to them and telling his ignorant voting base, "see I told you the white folks are after me."

I've said it 1,000 times, and I'll say it again: The KK issue can't become about race, otherwise the real issues will be ignored.

Cox is right. Kwame is a race-baiter and a liar. He said nigger for pure shock value and to present a picture of harassment that simply isn't true. People might be talking about his family like a dog, but that fool ain't Britney Spears. Ain't nobody in the bushes with some footies on and a doo-rag trying to nab this fool and his kids.

He's a black politician with some power, so, of course, he's been called a nigger. But hell, I bet half of the time, he's been called that by his own people. Besides, all visible black people will tell you they've been called a nigger. It's not right, but it comes with the territory.

Cox and Granholm should have been heard from long before now, and it's disappointing that they would choose this to show some backbone. It's just a weak situation in Michigan. The people have let a thief and a possible killer plummet the city to its lowest depths, and he's supported by a mealy-mouthed governor and a ball-less attorney general.

Pastor: "Obama Is A Long-Legged Freak"

I know this video is nine minutes long, but it's worth every minute. For those not familiar with Pastor Manning, peep my previous blog on him. By the way, he also drops "54 Ds" a few times.

The White Man Gets It, Why Not The Bruh?

So let me get this straight: New York Governor Eliot Spitzer gets busted organizing ass by the feds and resigns in less than 48 hours. Kwame Kilpatrick bangs his chief of staff, costs the city of Detroit $9 million trying to hide it, is linked to the mysterious murder of a stripper, spent $200K of the city's money partying like Jay-Z, and on top of all that...Detroit was the murder capital last year, continues to have a horrific unemployment rate, and insurance and property taxes are high as hell. But, he's still in office. In fact, last night, Kwame gave his state of the city address like ain't shit up.

Spitzer's out, he's still in. Go figure.

Kwame needs to take some cues from Spitzer, who realized that once he was busted for prostitution, it undermined his authority as governor. How could anyone take the governor seriously knowing that he's spent $80K on some illicit ass? How could he possibly punish anyone with any authority? All they would have to say is "prostitution ring," and they'd have scoreboard. His reputation was destroyed, so for the betterment of the state, he resigned.

Why can't that idiot Kwame do the same? If he truly cared about Detroit the way he says, he'd resign. What can he get accomplished when everybody is snickering behind his back and calling him the text-message freak? What business leader would trust him now, knowing all he does is put his incompetent friends in charge? Kwame would rather send Detroit through scandal and possible criminal trials, rather than do the right thing.

Although, I thought of something today: I notice a lot of white folks who live across 8 Mile are laughing at Detroiters for re-electing Kwame. Some are shaking their heads like, what is wrong with you black folks?

They're right. But before they throw a strone, I got a name for them:

George Bush.

Black folks could easily say, what's wrong with you white people for re-electing George Bush? He might have stolen the first election, but he won pretty easily the second time around.

If you think about it, Bush ran the Kwame in reverse. Bush played the race card, too. He did what many conservative, white politicians do. He played on the fears of the rich, white, conservative and Christian. Got them all riled up about gay marriage, the war, and a "way of life." And he got voted right in.

It's no different than Kwame, who like most black politicians in Detroit use the us vs. them -- city vs. suburbs and black vs. white -- to get re-elected in spite of their woeful mismanagement and lack of ethics.

Politicians all run the same game, black or white.

BREAKING NEWS: 1-800-Dial-A-Trick Sinks NY Governor

Memo to male politicians: Don't send dick through text message, and DO NOT send it through the telephone.

You never know who might be listening, something the New York governor discovered the hard way.

Today Gov. Eliot Spitzer (by the way, why the hell does his name only have one 'T') admitted that was him on the federal wiretap trying to get some coochie from a prostitute.

Nice to know Kwame Kilpatrick isn't the only genius out there.

Is it just me or do all these politicians follow the same dumbass guide when they get busted? Here's what you can expect: Over-use of the term "private matter," a lame apology to the family, followed by some fake-ass show of support by the wife, who more than likely knew he had ho's.

Unlike KK, I'll give Spitzer a few points for doing some things that KK didn't. First, he went to the professionals. This is a good thing. If you're going to cheat, don't be caught on some corner with a vial of crack, a fifth of MD 20/20 and a pack of Lemonheads, trying to bargain for some fellatio.

But when you're a public official, and I don't care if you're running the local Kiwanis club or the state of New York, you've just got to expect that your phone calls are being taped. That might seem super-paranoid, but technology is a mo-fo. If I'm a creeping governor, I've got a separate Sprint phone just for prostitutes. It's called a Ho Phone. Get one. Had Spitzer had one, then fools like me wouldn't forever be referring to him as "Client No. 9," which supposedly was his alias whenever he called Dial-A-Booty.

Which brings me to another point...As soon as the person on the other end identified him as the governor, I would have either hung up, or acted like I had no idea what they were talking about. That should have told him that something wasn't right.

So far, no word on whether Spitzer was paying for the tricks with his personal credit card, or with the state's. Let's hope it's the former.

From a racial standpoint, it definitely shows the difference between when white men cheat, and when black men do it. KK was texting, wining and dining on the city credit card, showing up to see ho's who had mink coats on and nothing else. White dude has a number, is under the discreet name of Client 9, and seems to be trying to do a somewhat respectful creep.

Black folks will pervert the hook up to the death. We truly live by the principle that you "can't fuck with free." That's just how we think. Plus, we do things with jaw-dropping ignorance. It's funny, but it's ignorant.

So in the battle of the creepin' Gov vs. the creepin' Mayor, KK still has him beat. He misappropriated city funds. His creep cost the city $9 million and an unprecedented amount of national embarrassment -- which is saying something for a city like Detroit. Oh, and he also might have killed a stripper.

KK in a knockout.

R.I.P The Wire, 2002-2008

It's over.

I don't want to get too sad, so instead I'll focus my energies on assessing the series finale. If you haven't seen it, don't read further.

The Wire series finale was an 8.5 on a scale of 1-to-10. Look, I'm a huge Sopranos fan, but The Wire's series finale annihilated the Sopranos', which was some trumped-up, overthought-out, wanna-be artistic crap. Don't Stop Believing and fade to black? Shiiiiiiit. That was some bullshit.

The Wire's series finale avoided the typical traps of a series finale. It stayed with the things that made it a cult success. It didn't struggle to wrap things up into some comfortable, tidy little story. It didn't try too hard and attempt to leave you with some false, grandiose, generalistic meaning. And most important, it stayed realistic.

Although the finale left you with a glimmer of hope, it also nailed the one thing that's absolutely true about life. Shit don't change. Shit reinvents itself. Shit presents itself in different forms. But ultimately, especially in inner-cities where the problems are too big to be solved by idiotic, quick-fix plans, we find that shit only reincarnates.

In the finale, characters evolved, but they were quickly replaced. Dukie became Bubbles. Michael became Omar, which to be honest was a fascinating surprise -- though once I thought about it, it made total sense. Michael was cold-hearted, but honorable and likable. Same as Omar. Anyway, I don't want to get off point...Marlo became Avon -- too much of a gangsta to ever merge into the real business world. Chris was Wee-Bey. Carcetti became Royce. Greggs and Bunk became the new McNulty and Freamon, although likely with much more sense.

That's why the series ended with McNulty watching the skyline by the freeway. It's a revolving problem attached to a revolving door.

Anyway, some other thoughts on Episode 60:

- Lester was right. Rhonda Pearlman did screw up the leverage with Levy. No way should Marlo have walked away clean. She had Levy by the gonads when she found out he was behind feeding Prop Joe the grand jury information.

- Herc should have been shot. I was praying Marlo would connect him to everything. Other Wire fans can help me out with this: Did Marlo ever realize Herc was the same cop who was sweating him about the police camera in Season 4? When Herc gave up Marlo's cell phone to Carver, he didn't do it out of a sense of morality. He did it because Marlo stealing the camera eventually got him fired. Herc went out like a real bitch. He deserved a hot one.

- I'm glad Daniels kept his integrity. I would have been extremely disappointed if he would have swallowed the company line and kept cooking the crime stats. Truthfully, I thought he was going to go along to get along since the running theme with The Wire is same shit, different day. But I should have expected him to do what he did.

- Despite wanting to see that lil' bastard reporter fry, I must admit it played out exactly like it would have in the real world. This is a world where assholes reign and those with common sense and decency are punished. If you look at the Jayson Blair and Janet Cooke situations, it took some time before their fabrications were uncovered. Now in those cases, they were punished and (some) editors fell as a result. Still, I don't think it was an accident that the two minorities who spoke up about Templeton were busted down.

- Method Man is my boo, but damn I'm glad Slim Charles killed him. That scene actually made me chuckle. Cheese thought he was all big and bad. He was about to get knee-deep into some gangsta soliloquoy, and Slim was like, damn all that talking. Besides, it would have been a travesty if Cheese's sellout ass wound up as a major player in the drug game, considering the way he sold out Prop Joe.

- Nice reappearance by Prez. I held out hope that Dukie wasn't going to become a 'head. Prez knew the real,. He knew when he gave Dukie the money, their relationship was officially over.

- How sweet was it to see Michael become the new Omar? It never occurred to me until he robbed Marlo how much he had in common with the real Omar. As Snoop said in Episode 59, Michael was never "one of them." He did dirt, but he had a sense of justice about it. He didn't like to see people get what they didn't deserve. He wasn't a company guy. And it really pissed Michael off that Marlo was so quick to believe he was the snitch. We don't have to ask what becomes of Marlo because Michael should take care of that.

The Michael wrinkle alone made the finale brilliant. For a series finale to mean something, it has to tie up enough loose ends (i.e., the end of McNulty and Freamon as murder police), but tantalize your imagination enough to continue the conversation. We'll smile thinking of Michael picking up where they left off. Some people will say the Sopranos finale did this, but I call bull. Sure, you can guess whether Tony died eventually, but that fade to black was simply awful. It felt like just another episode.

However, I do have one bit of good news for Wire fans. I read on the HBO site that Dominic West, the dude that plays McNulty, is trying to convince David Simon and crew to do a movie.

I'm going to bed with a smile.

Let The Countdown Begin: My Top-10 Moments From The Wire

When you walk through the garden
you gotta watch your back
well I beg your pardon
walk the straight and narrow track

If you walk with Jesus
he's gonna save your soul
you gotta keep the devil
way down in the hole

He's got the fire and the fury
at his command
well you don't have to worry
if you hold on to Jesus hand
we'll all be safe from Satan
when the thunder rolls
just gotta help me keep the devil
way down in the hole

- Tom Waits, "Way Down In The Hole," the theme song used for The Wire the last five seasons, which was covered by a variety of artists.

In a little over 24 hours, the greatest show in television history is ending. I know that seems like hyperbole, like praise that actually can't be true. But HBO's The Wire is what I say it is.

As homage to the show's end, I'm going to wax poetic about the 10-best moments in The Wire's history. Some time in the next few days, I'll probably do a show eulogy. If depression hasn't totally set in, maybe I'll do another post on the impact of Omar Little on the show and the entertainment landscape.

But let's start with something we can all argue about: Top-10 Moments in The Wire's history.

10. Season 5: Clay Davis pulls a Kwame Kilpatrick (or possibly the other way around)
Clay Davis, best known for the way he says "shiiiiiittttttttt," was caught red-handed for taking money from drug dealers, and doing all sorts of illegal, unethical stuff. Of course, he got off because he went Reverend Deacon Dr. Doug on an all-black jury. There's a Clay Davis in every inner city. In D.C., it's Marion Berry.

9. Season 4: Bodie gets lit up like a POW
I couldn't stand Bodie at first, but he grew on me in Season 4, where you saw his twin on the legit side was McNulty. Bodie's believes in a code, which I respected. He didn't appreciate the way Marlo's gang did business, and he went out like a soldier. Wonder if that's how McNulty might go out, too.

8. Season 1: D'Angelo Barksdale breaks down the chess game, thus the real game
One reason I fell in love with The Wire is for the quieter, introspective moments. In this episode, DB tries to explain the game of chess to his younger, stupider drug handlers. "The King stay the King," DB tells them, when explaining the roles of each chess piece. It's the simplest breakdown of life I've ever heard.

7. Season 2: Omar on the witness stand
A lot of people consider season 2 a dud, but I think once you see all five seasons, you appreciate this season more. But even if you hated it, it's worth watching just for Episode 19, when Omar takes the witness stand during Bird's murder trial and comes correct. Best line is when Levy tries to go after Omar on cross examination and Omar tells him, "Just like you man. I got the shotgun. You got the briefcase."

6. Season 5: Mike ain't Mike no mo'
If you ain't keeping up with Season 5, then you need to stop reading. After the dirt has been done, Mike and Dukie are about to part ways. Dukie reminds him of the time him, Mike, Randy and Namond threw balloons full of piss at some neighborhood rivals. Mike, though, doesn't even remember it, which lets us all know he's killed far too many people and done too many things to return to a time of innocence.

5. Season 1: Greggs catches a hot one
Greggs, on a buy-and-bust, gets lit up like an X-mas tree. That's when we see the bond that's truly formed between her and McNulty. Kinda makes it a shame she's ratting on him in Season 5.



4. Season 5: Prop Joe, no mo'
Prop Joe was always working the angles, and he died trying to save his sorry-ass nephew Cheese, played by Method Man. Wasn't that some shit how Marlo told him to close his eyes and breathe slow? With a gun to the back of your head? Hells naw.

3. Season 5: "How my hair look?"
Snoop's death scene was the most chilling death scene ever on The Wire. She died like a G. She knew that, given all she had done, this was the only way she was going to leave Earth -- with her head totally blown off. When Mike said, "you look good, girl," right before he blew her skull in, I got chills.

2. Season 3: Stringer Bell's a wrap
I was so hurt when this happened, but I knew it was inevitable. Stringer was really trying to move the Barksdale organization forward, but Avon was such a neanderthal. Stringer wanted to be more advanced , but Avon just wasn't having it. It also featured the teaming up of Brother Mouzzone and Omar. What happened to the Avon-Stringer relationship was the more eloquent, better written, complicated version of what happened between G-Money and Nino Brown in New Jack City.

1. Season 5: Omar comin'...well, maybe not
Lots of folks bitched about the way Omar went out. Before I give my reasons for why he died was fair, let me say that Omar was the most fascinating, compelling character on The Wire. He was the one character everyone universally liked. If you would have said I'm going to become enthralled with an urban drama where a gay gangsta is the centerpiece, I would have told you were crazy. A gay gansta? Right, and they'll be a midget super hero.

Anyway, Omar's death was meant to be the way it was. Dude was a legend on the streets, but the lack of fanfare his death received -- from the relatively unimportant corner boy who killed him to his body being mis-tagged by the medical examiner -- was purposeful. No matter how important someone may be in the streets, in the chain of life, they are just another murdered black man. Just another n-i-double-g-a.

Some of you will take issue with me rating Omar's death above Stringer's. But my feeling is that Stringer's death could be accepted, that most Wire fans felt that was imminent. Omar was the one of two or three criminals you wanted to succeed. More than likely, Michael, perhaps Bodie were the other two. Omar was the most popular character on the show, and therefore his death should rate higher.





Now obviously, some noteworthy moments were left out. For example, when Bubbles killed Sherrod accidentally. I'm sure many of you will take issue with the fact I didn't include when Omar confronted Brother Mouzzone. Another moment worthy of top 10 consideration was when Michael left Bug to live with their aunt.

Those are fine selections, but I'm sticking to the scenes that always will resonate with me. As heartbreaking as the Michael-Bug scene was, the scene between Michael and Dukie was stronger and more poignant. Dukie was an unlikely alliance for Michael, who had grown into a cold-blooded killer. And you knew when those two parted ways, Michael was on his way to becoming Avon or Marlo -- which meant he was choosing death. And Dukie was on his way to being Bubbles. It was just such a strong display of divergent paths. Michael leaving Bug just didn't carry that same layered impact.

Anyway, I also had to be careful not to include too many moments from season 5. Although the final season isn't the best one of The Wire -- that title belongs to Season 4 -- it's tempting to place many moments in the top 10 because they bring closure. As it is, part of me is afraid to cast this top 10 hours from the series finale because who knows what will take place.

But debate away. I'm sure you'll point out some things I didn't. By the way, here's BET's top-10 list.

Sunday Reading

Thought I'd hip everyone to an excellent profile done on Kwame Kilpatrick by Detroit Free Press writers Suzette Hackney and Bill McGraw. There are a couple fascinating details in here, as well as some ig'nant shit that I only I would find funny. Like, I had no idea Kwame's middle name was "Malik." Kwame Malik? With a name like that, you'd think he'd be the mayor of bean pies.

Oh, and peep these interesting details:

"As mayor, Kilpatrick travels the city like a hip-hop mogul. Police guards chauffeur him in a black Escalade. He wears trendy suits with bold accessories and wide-brimmed fedoras. Some of his cuffs are embroidered with the word "Mayor."

Now, what kind of ghetto shit is that? Question: Do you think that George W. Bush's goofy-looking ass is rolling around with cufflinks that say, "president?" Do you think Bill Gates has cuffs that say, "baller?" Do you think Queen Elizabeth has "cryptkeeper" on her pantyhouse?

Also, peep the photo above. Damn, the mayor ain't missed a meal, has he? He is pure pork chops and gravy now, but he was salad and low carbs then. A lot's changed.

One more thing: This is funny as hell.

From Text-Message Freak To Murderer?

You probably don't recognize this woman, but Detroit Ghetto AP reported several years ago that Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick killed her.

For those new to this blog, Ghetto AP is just a nickname I use for "word on the street." There's always an official and unofficial word on everything, especially when it comes to black folks. To be fair, Ghetto AP isn't always accurate. Hell, Ghetto AP killed Luther Vandross about three times before he actually died. There also was that rumor that Ghetto AP rumor that Chris Tucker had AIDS.

Anyway, the woman in the photo above is Tamara Greene, who was shot 18 times in Detroit in 2003 while sitting in the car with her boyfriend. The boyfriend survived. She, obviously, did not.
Ghetto AP reported KK killed her because she was one of a few people who could verify that he had a wild party at the CITY-OWNED Manoogian mansion. Yes, not only does the mayor send his dick through text messages, but he also may have killed someone over a party.

What's the big deal with this party, you ask? Well, supposedly a gang of strippers were there and other tomfoolery occurred. Not exactly the behavior you want the mayor of a major metropolitan city to exhibit. Of course, ho-ass attorney general Mike Cox investigated the alleged party and it went absolutely nowhere. The way Cox was bullshittin', it leads me to believe KK has photos of Cox with a couple midgets, a cheetah, four bags of Funyuns and a Batgirl outfit.

Here's the Ghetto AP version: Carlita Kilpatrick, KK's wife, came home to the mansion unexpectantly and saw her husbang getting his Eyes Wide Shut on (a freak party, basically). Per Ghetto AP, she picked up a baseball bat and beat one of the strippers down who was in the process of servicing her husband. This was witnessed by the other strippers, including Tamara Greene, aka "Strawberry." Investigators wanted to speak to Strawberry, but next thing you know she's dead and the lead investigator is transferred after being routinely stonewalled. Greene's murder remains unsolved.

(Side note: See, that's reason No. 1,698 why you don't want to be a stripper. If yo' ass dies, then news reports will begin with, "And then Strawberry said...." or "Strawberry allegedly told police.." 'Cuz you know the media is so trifling, they're going to use yo' strip name whenever possible. Just so an ignorant fool like me can read, "Diamond reportedly said....")

As you can see, this is a convoluted story, the type of shit I expect to see on the next episode of Law and Order. This also was my long-winded way of getting to the new news surrounding the Strawberry case (see, I told you having a stripper name is a bad idea).

Greene's 14-year-old son, Jonathan Bond, is suing the city of Detroit as part of a wrongful death lawsuit. Bond is suing for $150 million and I hope he wins and receives every dime. Although, considering that Detroit is $300 million in debt, should Bond win, the city council and 'nem are going to have to pay for shit with a Bridge card.

I truly want KK to go to jail. It's not about the fact that he's ruined a city with his overwhelming nigga-ness. Well, I take that back. It's partly about that. He violated the city's trust with his bullshit. The ho'ing is really a non-issue. As always, it's not about the lie, but the cover-up. Covering up this mess has been extremely expensive. The city had to break off $9 million to the police officers KK fired because they knew about his ho'-dom. That lead investigator who was pursuing the Greene case sued and won a $200,000 judgment. Other lawsuits from ex-officers who were blackballed for cooperating with authorities are pending.

It's just scantless, to use an old-school word. Make sure you peep the Metro Times piece because they give a detailed breakdown of all the trifling behavior. My favorite detail is one officer testifying how the mayor rolled out the house to meet some trick who was waiting for him in a mink coat, with nothing underneath. 'Dats how the mayor do.

Lastly: Let's say I was one of those people KK did wrong. It would be pretty easy to kill this dude because he showed repeatedly that he was willing to die for some coochie. Whenever KK was on an ass mission, he put his security detail in a compromising position that could have cost him his life. For example, his security officers -- much like the Secret Service -- are supposed to scope all the facilities the mayor will enter, first. But in the case of the mink coat trick, KK met the woman out front and then walked with her into her apartment. So, if Lil' Stomach Ache had been waiting for the mayor inside her apartment or outside of it, it would have been a wrap. There also was another instance where the mayor stopped his bodyguards from entering his hotel room because Christine Beatty, his chief of staff, was waiting for him on some buckee-naked.

But Detroit, you got exactly what you deserved. You voted for this ignorant fool TWICE. Don't let them talk about y'alls boy.

Chew On Dis

This is the best show ever put on television. But I don't want to get too wrapped up in a slurpfest, since the show is ending for good on Sunday. I know I'm likely to come here and rattle off a highly emotional post in which I blast punk-ass Hollywood for refusing to acknowledge how riveting, fantastic, realistic and well-written this series is. And before you ask, yes, it's better than the Sopranos.

Anyway, before I unleash a detailed eulogy of The Wire, let's put some shit in perspective. First, Season 5 of The Wire has been amazing. The last episode, the one before the series finale, probably featured one of The Wire's most powerful moments ever. I won't totally ruin it, but it takes place between Snoop and Michael in Snoop's SUV. These three words will stick with me forever: "You look good, girl." And I'll leave things there.

Meanwhile, over at BET.com, they've got a list of the top-10 moments on The Wire. I'm going to give you my own top-10, and also a proper burial of Omar, one of the best characters ever developed. A gay gangsta? Who would have thought? And maybe if I get motivated, I'll break down my 10 favorite episodes. But wrap your mind around BET's top-10 list and add your own thoughts.

Sad News

Juvenile's 4-year-old daughter was killed on Friday -- by her own brother.

Any murder is tragic and unjustified, but in my mind, things always hit a little bit harder when children are the victims. The cycle of life is that parents go before children -- not the other way around. So when that cycle is interrupted, it gives a great imbalance to the natural order of things.

Another note: Juvey's 4-year-old daughter, Jelani, was murdered by a high school sophomore. A high school sophomore? Since he was 17 in the 10th grade, I'm going to assume there was a lot more going on in that household than the news will ever report. Making things worse is that in 2003, Juvenile was arrested for abandonment because he denied Jelani was his child. Once a paternity test was done, he began to pay child support, so I'm not trying to make him seem like a jerk. But I imagine there might be some guilt there, given what's happened.

OK, on a slightly, more light-hearted note, whenever real stuff happens to rappers, it's always interesting when you find out what their government name is. Juvey's is Terius Gray. Intriguing.

And just so you know, I'm going to be the trifling blogger that dips on y'all for two weeks, then hits you with 4-5 posts in a row. Just cause I can.

Riddle Me This Concerning Myspace...

I'm not a Myspace fiend like a lot of people, but I understand the purpose of it. Nevertheless, here's something I've noticed:

Why do people use ignorant-ass names on their Myspace pages? Like, I'll get a friend request from "MakeNiggasBleed" or "BitchI'llShootYou." Then, you'll click on their page and under favorite books the Bible will be listed.

Eh?

Or, folks who are allegedly trying to offer something professional will send you a friend request with a MySpace name like "GritsAndTitties" or "IShotFivePeopleAWeekAgo."

Look, people, if you've got a Myspace page, please exercise some decorum. As it is, when criminals are busted, the first thing news reporters do is check to see if the suspects have MySpace pages. Many of them do and what we see is poor grammar, and a page that blatantly says they're a low life.

Broke Fi-Broke: NBA Edition

Another NBA player is broke? You're joking, right? I'm shocked. They seem so in control, so non-flashy, so efficient and frugal with their millions. Most of them aren't even buying 24-inch rims anymore. They're settling for 22s. They're not Making It Rain, but Making It Drizzle, dropping 20s instead of 50s.

Well, get out the sheet of paper that contains all the broke NBA players because the list just got longer. First, though, let's tally up the BAFs (Broke-Ass Fools) we already know:

- There's Kenny Anderson, who was paying over $10K per month in child support, but as recently as '06 was $100,000 behind. This is the same dude who once told the New York Times he owned eight cars.

- There's Latrell "I Can't Feed My Family On $21 Million" Sprewell, whose boat was repossessed and home is currently in foreclosure.

- Jason Caffey, who got locked up for child support, despite once signing a $35 million contract and winnning two NBA titles. According to bankruptcy court records, Caffey owes nearly $2 million, but only has $1.15 million in assets.

- And now, Vin Baker. Baker's restaurant is behind $900K in payments. What's trifling is that his parents sunk $400K into Baker's establishment and lost it. By the way, am I the only who believes Baker one day will appear on A & E's Intervention?

Anyway, it's obvious the NBA wasn't being dramatic when it said recently that 60 percent of NBA players go broke within five years of leaving the game. That's not at all hard to believe. Most of 'dem fools have four baby mommas, 10 friends, a step-momma, a real momma and daddy, three crackhead uncles, and four drunk brothers on payroll. Just last month, it was reported that Shaq spends $875,015 per month. He blows $24,300 a month on gas, according to financial records filed as part of his divorce filing. $24,300? I mean, this this fool buying gas from the Taliban? Is he getting '93 from Bin Laden's personal stash? Does he have Nike Gas with the Bentley grill? Shaq also drops $6,730 a month on dry cleaning. Clearly, he ain't getting his shit in before 9 a.m.

All I know is, if Kevin Garnett -- who has made nearly half a billion in NBA money -- ever goes broke or has so much as his doggie house foreclosed, somebody needs to whip his ass with a copy of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad."

The Worst Liar On Earth

Man, Rog, you really screwed the pooch, didn't you?

Not that Roger Clemens will ever spend a day in jail, but has anyone torpedoed their reputation quite this fast?

From a for-sure Hall of Famer to being a slimeball in the span, of what, a month? The lies Rog told on Capitol Hill this week when he testified in the steroids probe are so criminally bad that Rog should go to jail for thinking the public is that fucking stupid.

Let's get this straight: Even though his best friend, Andy Pettitte, says he did performance-enhancing drugs, even though supplier Brian McNamee would face jail time for not telling the truth, Rog wants us to believe that of all the names to pick out of hat, McNamee picked his and is lying about his involvement with PEDs. This is the same Rog who seemed to get stronger and more effective as he got older -- conveniently after Red Sox management said he was washed up.

Before this week, Clemens said he didn't know anything about human growth hormone or steroids, which is a lot like a crackhead not knowing about the pipe. Or a pimp not knowing about his ho's.

What's worse is that Clemens has thrown everyone he could under the bus. He admitted McNamee shot up his wife with HGH, but Clemens claims he knew nothing about it. I hope for Valentine's Day, Clemens' wife punches him in the nuts. That was out-cold to tell on her like that.

So, we're supposed to believe his own wife was embroiled in HGH, but not him. Did Clemens steal that straight from Marion Jones' Dummy Guide To Lying For The Feds or what? Remember, Marion's 45-teeth-having-ass wanted us to believe that while her husband and baby daddy were both users, no way was she involved. That defense didn't work out so well, being that Marion is on her way to the pen.

Besides, last time I checked, Clemens' wife was just a rich-ass housewife, not a pitcher desperately trying to maintain a Hall of Fame career. Don't get me wrong, I believe it's true that Clemens' wife took HGH so she could shine in the 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. However, I don't believe she did it just once because her body allegedly reacted violently to it, as Clemens claims. And I certainly am not stupid enough to believe Mrs. Clemens was the only 'roid user in that house. If anything, she took the shit because it was working so well for her husband.

Clemens is in this predicament because he is simply trying to protect the image he's carved for years. He's a great pitcher, but he's sold the public on being as American as apple pie, as being the aw-shucks, God-fearin', Republican-loving Texan -- the kind of guy you'd split a six-pack of Stroh's with in the back of a pickup truck. Clemens enjoys his hero status and what we're seeing from him now is his desperate effort to maintain that level of hero worship.

If good ol' Rog would get his enormous ego in check, he actually could have manuevered his way out of this mess with a shred of dignity. What Clemens didn't seem to understand is he's such a hero to the public, they would have been more than willing to forgive his misdeeds. Had he come clean, maybe even blamed his usage on trying to keep up with a culture chock-full of steroid and HGH users or the greedy-ass owners, the people would have sided with him. They would have given him a pass because, deep down, they wanted to believe him.

Clemens will never face perjury charges unless a smoking gun containing real, physical evidence emerges. I know McNamee has gauze and syringes which supposedly contain evidence that Clemens was shot up full of 'roids, but it's been in McNamee's possession for years and that would never hold up in court. Any judge or lawyer with a specter of common sense would question the chain and custody of evidence. A sharp attornery always could give Clemens an out and say that McNamee shot Clemens up without his knowledge.

But Clemens' ego wrote a check his ass can't cash.

If You See This Man, Pray He Doesn't Have A Cleaver

Lately, I've really been into crime reality shows. My favorite show right now is probably, "First 48," which airs on A & E. It reinforces the theory that a) criminals are really fucking stupid and b) it's totally true that if the cops don't catch a killer in the first 48 hours, they likely won't catch them. By the way, kudos to the few criminals who actually seem to have been watching Law and Order, and understand that the police can't detain you, unless they're arresting you.

Anyway, this is one of the most gruesome crimes I've read about. The guy above represents a composite sketch for a man New York police believe hacked a psychologist to death in her office. They amassed a sketch because the man was caught on tape, leaving her office.

This guy hacked the psychologist to death with a freakin' meat cleaver. In fact, the psychopath stabbed her so forcefully, he bent the cleaver. Splattered the walls with her blood. And, even stranger: He left behind a suitcase filled with adult diapers and women's clothing.

WTF?

Look, we live in a pretty strange world. But even by our own ridiculous standards, this is pretty nuts.

Detroit Is Number 1!...At Being F**ked Up

And the most miserable city in the country is...

(drum roll, please)

DEE-TROIT!!!

Way to go Kwame Kilpatrick! You did it, big guy! Detroit is No. 1!!!! And here I thought you were only good at nailing your chief of staff, and costing the city you mayor almost $10 million in the cover-up. Nice to know you're not just a dickhead, but a versatile dickhead.

(Rabid crowd applause)

How's this for an enticing travel brochure:

Come to the city with the country's highest, violent crime rate, where you will get the added bonus of living where the most money is spent to clean up contaminated waste. Not enough to convince you? How about an unemployment rate that is twice as big as most other cities? And let's say you don't derive enough misery in the D, you can always travel northward to Flint, the third-most miserable city in America.

If it helps any, New York is fourth.

I've got a new slogan for Detroit, who has the distinct pleasure of having a buffoon mayor and an idiot for a governor.

Detroit: Where You Hope To Get Killed 'Cuz Yo Ass Ain't Finding A Job.

Tourism is gonna be up!

Sunday Potpourri

Excuse me for not blogging the last couple days. Been a little busy, and I was still somewhat worn out from this episode with Sprint. Bitches.

Anyway, to get everyone in a good mood today, let me first share this hysterical Emmitt Smith video done by Jimmy Kimmel, who absolute clowned football's all-time leading rusher. Clearly, Emmitt knows how to bounce off tackles and find the hole. But what that fool doesn't know is subject-verb agreement, predicates, proper pronouns and basic, sentence structure. Hey, we can't all be perfect.



See, now don't you feel better?

OK, let's get back to what is probably my favorite story of 2008, even though it's just February.

Simple-ass Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is proving to be not only the worst mayor in Detroit history, the worst mayor in the nation, but also the stupidiest MF of all time. Can that be his official title from now on? Stupidest MF of all time? Somebody put that shit on a plaque and hand it to him.

The latest is that KK signed a confidentiality agreement to try to conceal those embarrassing text messages with Christine Beatty, the former chief of staff he had an affair with -- which ultimately cost the city $9 million in a whistle-blower suit involving three former police officers.

Anyway, this is an interesting development, mostly because a confidentiality agreement of this nature is completely unheard of in a lawsuit involving city government. Kwame doesn't seem to understand he is a public official. Everything he does is on the record. The shit is so basic I'm really questioning who made this fool a lawyer, because he operates like he got his law degree from DeVry.

As a public official, information is put in an entirely different realm. Everything a public official does concerning the city is public record. It can't be concealed. The Freedom Of Information Act was put in place so that we, the public, would be able to keep checks and balances on politicians. If you want to know how much your city government is spending on Wrigley's spearmint, the FOIA allows you to find that out. It was created to protect citizens, not harm us.

But surprise, surprise, when the Detroit city council signed off on paying the lawsuit, they had no idea these text messages existed, or that their mayor had signed a confidentiality agreement that essentially proved he was lying.

Right about now, I need Detroiters to read. I need them to be informed to the point where they don't fall for this obvious, back-handed bullshit. Kwame went on Detroit radio -- read: an R & B station where you can hear that new Luther -- to explain that the reason he had a confidentiality agreement was to "protect all Detroiters" from having private situations exposed. He pointed to the fact that divorces and other personal suits often are accompanied with confidentiality agreements.

That is true, but one problem: FOOL, YOU RUNNING A CITY. This isn't a divorce. The city was being sued because of your creep. You fired a couple cops because they knew you were on some In Between The Sheets shit with your chief of staff. And you were just dumb enough to be sending your screw through text message, using a city Blackberry.

And unfortunately, Detroiters don't know any better and they are buying his grand-standing that this should be private, and between him and his wife. They seem to have forgotten, that the cost of his misdeeds are on you, the citizen. You're the one paying a shitload for bold-ass city services. Look up what property taxes cost in the D. Look at what car insurance rates are. That shit is insane, and now yo' mayor just gave you the biggest F-U ever.

Naturally, when speaking about this matter publicly, KK always seems to forget to mention that HE LIED UNDER OATH TO A JUDGE, AND A COURT. He just glosses over that simple fact. And he, of course, doesn't make the connection between what he did and what it cost his taxpayers. Kwame's message: Hey, I'm just trying to help Ike.

This isn't about protecting Detroiters anymore than it's about an African booty scratcher. This is about a mayor who was busted, who tried to cover it up, and is now trying to manipulate inner-city black voters by playing the race card and making it an issue of us vs. the media.

Well, last time I checked, the Detroit Free Press wasn't the one who told you to use city funds to screw ol' girl. The DFP didn't make you send those text messages where you talking about hitting it into the wee hours. The DFP didn't fire those cops for doing their jobs, or cost the city millions over this bullshit. You did.

What's funny is KK had the nerve to say his boo Beatty should have quit. Um, MF, what's your excuse? Why are you still there, looking like you stole all of Malcolm X's zoot suits from back in the day? Why not do the honorable thing and leave office?

Because that would be too much like right. And we know he's incapable of doing that.

Y'All Ain't Gon' Believe This Shit, Part Two

Before I get into the meat of this story: FUCK SPRINT. FUCK RADIO SHACK.

It's officially 12:37 p.m., and I've got no cellphone, thanks to the numbnuts at both companies.

Long story, made even longer: I went into Radio Shack yesterday to buy Sprint's new Touch phone, which is their answer to the iPhone. Pretty sweet-ass phone.

I arrive at Radio Shack around 7:30 p.m, Tuesday night. I pick out the phone, go through the paperwork, and it turns out I'm eligible for $75 off on this phone. Cool. I get rung up and have one foot out the door when Radio Shack sales clerk tells me we have a problem.

The proper eligibility code didn't ring up on their computer, which would allow me to receive the $75.

OK, I don't speak Radio Shack-ese, so I'm looking at him like he just said something in Swahili. Sales Clerk, a pudgy looking gay-ish guy, explains he must call Sprint and get the proper code so that I may be properly credited for this purchase.

45 minutes later -- no bullshit -- he thinks he's got the proper code. He doesn't. He calls back again. 45 minutes later -- which means I have now been in this fuck-ass store for damn near THREE HOURS trying to spend MY MONEY -- he basically doesn't know what the fuck to do.

Let me give you a little background about Sprint's customer service in case you don't know. It's shitty. This is the same company who announced a few months ago that customers who call and complain too much would have their contracts terminateD. Basically, they're on some miss-a-step-today, you'll-be-frying-fish tomorrow shit. Complain one extra time, and they're doing you like Suge Knight did Vanilla Ice.

At this point, I'm frustrated and pissed, but trying to remain somewhat professional. I don't want to give the white folks what they want, which is to see me go from Zero to Rashida. I'm trying to handle this like an adult, but still get across that this bullshit is acceptable.

I called Sprint myself. An hour later -- meaning I had now been in this store DAMN NEAR FOUR HOURS -- Sprint decides you know what? Fuck a code. We'll just send you the phone ourselves. They gave me some credit, upped my rebate and tried to somewhat makeup for the inconvenience. Although, the insulting part was, while I'm boiling about this bullshit, the ho' ass Sprint operator tried to sell me some shit. I'm like, BITCH, now ain't the time for you to be telling me about buying unlimited Internet access. If I had a fucking bomb, I'd plant that shit right at Sprint headquarters, and now you wanna talk to me about some trivial bullshit I can add for an extra $60 a month?

FUCK SPRINT.

At this point, FOUR HOURS LATER, I'm thinking the problem has basically been solved. Nuh-uh. Gay Pudgy Boy tries to switch me back on my original phone (the same phone I walked into the store with), and is finding that the "system" -- this ol' Coleco-bullshit-ass-Pac-Man-throwback computer they got up in Radio Shack -- isn't allowing them to. After another 45 minute phone call to Sprint -- WE'RE ON FIVE FUCKING HOURS NOW -- it's determined that ain't shit gon' happen. I had to leave my phone at Radio Shack, and basically deal with that shit the next day.

Now, the next day is here, I still don't have a fucking phone. My account is showing I purchased two phones, which is completely incorrect. You would think in situations like these muahfuckas at Radio Shack are trying to offer me new DVD players, a free subscription to Maxim, some Kleenex, some Now-Laters -- just something that would make me feel better about having wasted about nine hours of my life trying to get a phone from their punk ass store. Nuh-uh.

Well, Sprint and Radio Shack, I'm well past a Rashida-level of anger. I'm officially on some shit with a prefix and an apostrophe, a La' Princia or some shit. I'm on some, where the fuck is my blade? I'm on some, it ain't nothing between but space and opportunity. I'm on some, whip dat ass like Ike did Tina when she didn't hit that note right in the second verse.

FUCK SPRINT.
FUCK RADIO SHACK.

Y Do U Do This 2 Me?

Just a quick rant I had to get off my chest.

I hate it when grown mofos abbreviate words in e-mails because they're too lazy to spell them out. Sure, occasionally, I roll with an "anywho" or a "lemme kno." But generally speaking, I spell out my words.

But other MF's send you e-mails with shit like, "Get back 2 U" or "2 B Continued" "I want 2 get 2..." It's like, MF, we are GROWN. We don't say "2." We say "to" or "too." We say "be" not "B." We say "for" or "four" not 4. This ain't 12th grade, where you were writing shit like, "2 Good 2 B 4Gotten," in fools' yearbooks.

It's one thing to abbreviate in text message. Most of us have 160-character limit. So a LMAO, LOL, or ROTFLMAO, is no big deal. But in a email, particularly one where you are trying to make a professional inquiry, I don't want read shit like "cpl" (couple) or "n" (in). Shit, I ain't got time to play morse code with your damn e-mail. Got me looking up acronyms and shit trying to figure out what you're trying to say.

Rant over.

I Hate This Trick, But This Shit Is Funny

This is the only video that could rival Justin Timberlake's "Dick In A Box."

Wesley Snipes: White Men Can't Jump, And Don't File Taxes

This just goes to show if you get anything before a jury, you have a shot of getting out of anything.

People are sheep. People are stupid. And more importantly, people like to screw The Man.

Somehow, Wesley Snipes convinced a jury he wasn't trying to commit tax fraud when he didn't file for taxes from 1999 to 2004, during which he earned an estimated $20 million. Check out this excerpt from the news story:

Snipes used bizarre arguments to justify his position, saying the IRS' own code meant income earned in this country wasn't taxable, and the agency had no legal authority because it's not a proper government entity.

Later, the actor threatened the government and individual agents in his pursuit, declaring himself a "nonresident alien" not subject to tax laws.

Prosecutors say Snipes paid taxes in the 1990s, but changed his mind after meeting Kahn in 2000. He allegedly stopped filing returns, illegally sought $11 million in 1996 and 1997 taxes paid and drew fake checks to pay the U.S. Treasury.

So even though Blade was born in Orlando, he somehow got a jury to believe he really wasn't an American and therefore shouldn't pay taxes. His attorney also argued the IRS wasn't really a government agency.

That's a Jedi mind trick for your ass.

I'm going to try this next time I get a speeding ticket. Tell a cop he really isn't even a cop, and that I'm a "nonresident alien." That sounds a lot like the logic dude used in Friday when he was trying to get Deebo to give him back his Beachcruiser.

"It can be like both of ours, we just keep it at my crib."

Blade ran the OKEE-DOKE on the IRS. And I'm sure black folks will consider this a victory on some level, but at the end of the day, this is just another rich guy getting away with something the rest of us couldn't.

Guess this is why Pastor James David Manning believes Blade should be president.

Want To Know What's Wrong With Detroit? Watch This Video

My favorite part is the sign that says, "Get The Poot Butt Mayor Outta Here." Only at a Detroit protest would you see that. Detroit Public Schools, that's all I have to say.

Live Little, Ride Big

What's the difference between a lottery winner and a NBA player?

Very little.

Don't know if you know this, but there's a statistic that says 7 out 10 lottery winners -- those that win a million or more -- go broke.

For NBA players that leave the game, the stats are similar. According to this story in the Toronto paper, 6 out of 10 NBA players are broke within five years of leaving the game.

We're talking about guys who play in a league where the average NBA salary is $5.36 million. And, unlike the NFL, NBA contracts are guaranteed bread.

Upon hearing this about hoopsters, I couldn't help but think of Ice Cube's infamous words from War & Peace:

Never trust a man
who puts fuck over fin-ance
'cos he's usually
fucking up my plans

Most NBA dudes subscribe to the Live Little, Ride Big philosophy. They're supporting broke-ass cousins, thirsty baby mommas, scheming-ass friends, and extravagant wives. That's one helluva payroll.

Some years ago there was a story circulating about how Ron Artest was "employing" damn-near 30 of his people his rookie year. They were doing dumb shit, like making one the captain of car washing, the other would clean the kitchen, etc. And he would be paying people thousands of dollars to do shit like turn to HBO on Thursdays at 10 p.m.

It's so ironic to me how these brothas from the hood -- who claim to be somewhat street smart -- get taken so easily and how much common sense they lack.

Take Shaq for example, who according to reports spends more than $800,000 a month. A MONTH!

OK, let's assess Shaq's spending using hood Spidey senses. Dude is spending $1,495 a month on cable! I know y'all have seen the Direct TV ads. I mean, you can get four receivers for free, and if you order NFL Sunday Ticket, you get all the premium channels for free for the first few months.

What kind of cable does Shaq have? He must have the Godfather Direct TV package. That fool must be getting Uranus HBO, or Showtime from the fifth ring of Saturn.

Also, Shaq is spending $3,345 for phone bills. Uh, has ol' boy ever heard of Vonage? You get FREE long-distance and unlimited minutes for $25 a month. You can have 40 phones in your house and spend that much money. Even if you added some gangsta-ass cellphone bill, it makes no sense whatsoever to be paying that much for a phone bill. Who the fuck is he talking to, anyway? With a phone bill like that, he better be reaching out to ET. In fact, him, ET, Predator and Capt. Kirk better be on three-way if it's like that.

Folks from the hood are supposed to be more practical than average person. But it's just funny that the same people who used to open the oven door instead of turning up the heat would all of a sudden pay a guy $5,000 to pay bills for them once a month. The same guy who is used to eating pork chops that have been fried in three-week-old grease is the same guy who will pay his cousin Re-Ro $2,000 to polish his gators once a month. The same dude who wouldn't buy a bitch a Pop Tart, all of sudden is giving ho's rent money whenever they ask for it.

What ever happened to hood fiscal responsibility?

Y'all Ain't Gon' Believe This Shit

This is going to be one of those blogs where I take my shoes off, my weave out, put some vaseline on, clip my toenails and put on my do-rag. In other words, I'm about to get REAL comfortable.

That was a BULLSHIT-ass response by Kwame Kilpatrick Wednesday night.

Give KK an A+ because he did hit the proper public relations talking points. He must have said the word, "family," about 1,329 times. He threw out his belief in God, although the obvious question is, were you hearing from the Lord when you were telling your chief of staff over text message how you wanted to tap that ass?

Of course, he slickly dropped how he had been in love with his wife since he was 19, trying to sell us on some bold, fake-ass, Sweet Valley High love story. And then he implored for folks to leave his kids alone, although I'm sure his boys are thinking...why does my daddy have to be the ho?

First thing I noticed was that his wife, Carlita, looked like at any moment she might hit that fool with a frying pan or give him the Al Green grits treatment. I can only imagine what was going on through her head. Probably something like this:

Nucca, you got me doing this bullshit fo' yo' trick ass! I swear if it didn't get saved last night, I'd whup dat ass in front of the Lord and this photo of white Jesus. Help me GAWD! Lord, deliver me before I have to give this fool a two piece and a biscuit right here on national TV!

As an aside, I thought her wearing a man-suit was a terrible idea. I know she was trying to give off strength. Instead, she gave off husky.

Anywho...

On to this family bullshit Kwame was trying to sell us on. He and Carlita kept saying how they're not perfect people and don't have a perfect marriage. No shit. But they made it seem like the shit they were going through was just some normal, everyday stuff. Um, HELLO, your husband is banging his second in command and then on MLK weekend of all times, got busted on a couples retreat doing a Civil Rights creep. Normal might be a one-time creep. Normal is not having the newspaper out 'cho freak, lying in a court of law about it and costing a major, metropolitan city $9 million. That's a little bit more than a simple imperfection. An imperfection is leaving the toilet seat up, and having a few streaks in yo draws (yeah, I went there). An imperfection is not using city time to get 'cho fuck on.

Possibly the most hilarious part of this "apology" was when Carlita spoke. First, this was sort of a ballsy move from a P.R. standpoint. Shrewd, though. The one thing Kwame can count on is that people will have sympathy for his wife, and that might prevent folks from truly holding his ass over the flame.

Carlita talked about being hurt, disappointed and angry. All understandable emotions for a woman who just found out her husband was blowing out the back of his chief of staff. The reason I call bullshit on her is because Ghetto AP has reported for years that Kwame has been screwing around. This ain't nothin' new. It's difficult for me to muster sympathy for a woman that willingly goes along with the program because, ultimately, this is about her being the city's first lady. She's not giving up her place. So, really, what Carlita was trying to say was this:

All y'all bitches that have been screwing my husband, I just want to let you know that I'm the no. 1 Bitch 'round here. So, if y'all ho's think you gon' replace me, you gotta another thang coming. By the way, Christine Beatty, next time I see you in the street, I'm going in that mouth. Deuces, ho's.

This was Kwame's way of trying to deflect attention from the real issue: His affair was at the city's expense. Politicians screw around. We know this. People have shady, shitty ass marriages. BFD. The reason Kwame needs to go and why the city should never forgive him has nothing to do with the fact that he's a foul-ass husband and father.

As mayor, you are responsible for more than just yourself. You have the public trust and suppposedly, their best interest at heart. This was a situation where Kwame put his side screw above the city. Period.

So he can trot out his church, his pastor, his wife, his kids, his God, his record of public service, his allies, whatever. He can quote Ecclesiastes, Corinthians, Ezekial, and Malachi. He can bankhead bounce, Soulja Boy, or make it do what it do. But it doesn't change the fact he lied under oath and wrongfully fired a man for doing his job. And, as I said, cost the city a whole bunch of money it doesn't have.

I don't feel one ounce of sympathy for him. Burn baby, burn. And, for the next month, can you please it keep it in your pants?